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just like the anti-gay politician often turns out to be a closet gay, the Nice Guy is also often a source of the greatest anger. their “perfect” facade is a symptom of perfect repression.
perfect repression turns into unconscious privilege which is the highest form of passive aggression. it’s the “aggressor” truly asking and trying to be kind while speaking downwards “tell me what’s wrong so that I, Mr. Fix it can fix it.”
(notice the link to stereotypical men/women arguments around Mr. Fix It and you’ll see why the yin/yang dynamic is core to every conflict)
yin often is a source of hate that creates anger in yang because that hate is interpreted as malicious rather than an unavoidable aspect of Dealing With Reality.
once the loop completes and yang becomes the source of hate then the relationship shatters and it spirals uncontrollably into continuous psychic or physical violence.
the yang aspect is always the source of the violence but the yin aspect is always the source of that source. but the yang aspect is the source of that source and so on. there is no right or wrong. it’s just a shitty recursive function that takes up all the resources.
either side can break this recursive loop. on the yang side, it is being able to drop anger like a hot coal. on the yin side, it is being able to let go of hate.
bad attempts include punching and breaking things to drop anger or forcing yourself to throw up to vomit out hate.
this gets at the core weakness of pure rationality. rationally there is no reason for any side to stop since each side is fully justified in their actions. it is like how a computer will call a recursive function until all its resources run out. it doesn’t know when to halt.
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