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So lack of self-love is really about lack of living up to projected expectations either by self or accelerated through social media. It's constantly trying to take something that you've only seen externally and trying to recreate it internally even though it may not be possible.

That is to say... the feeling that "I am missing something" or "I could be more than I can be." is CORRECT. Pretending to "already have it" just gets you stuck without growth. yet we've already determined that what you want is what you can't "get" externally! wat??

here's the core resolution: to "HAVE" something means to put something in a box. The box container has to be relatively static compared to the external environment otherwise it's a worthless box. I can't sit in a demarcated volume of air!

When someone says "I want to have <some sort of descriptive trait>" what they're really saying is "I want to BE someone else." but because they've confused the BEING with the HAVING they're stuck!

In order for the existing self to HAVE and contain the thing, it must first maintain its integrity. It can't let go. That's because it rightfully understands that there's no point in having the thing if "I" can't enjoy the thing.

This is GOOD because there are things that only "I" can have. If a mouse goes into someone else's mouth-hole why would I care?? If someone else makes a billion dollars what does it matter to me?? These are things that CAN be HAD.

However these things are often proxies for things that CANNOT be had. It's like when the husband becomes an Asshole in the process of becoming Rich and forgot that his original goal was to be Kind b/c it was so hard to be kind when poor with so much anxiety and stress.

The solidification of the self is a well-intentioned attempt at achieving things but the danger is that the solidification itself becomes the end goal. such a life is lived in constant constipation.