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the reason this enforcement doesn't feel hypocritical is often because those who desire this type of protocol-based relationship are those who *only* know co-dependency as a example of a healthy relationship.https://twitter.com/AaronEstel/status/1327306103386902528 …

Thus in a world view of "All relationships are doomed to end in pain just like how my parents divorced." the crusade is "No one should be allowed to have any loving relationships at all because love doesn't exist."

Zooming back a bit you can sense that the fear of dependency is first created when someone fails you. E.g. a father or priest failing to explain the problem of evil thus shattering your heart's idea of "God".https://twitter.com/a_yawning_cat/status/1352542138723049476 …

Co-dependency on the other hand involves a sense of being needed and needing the other. The feeling is of being trapped and constantly having to spend massive amounts of energy making sacrifices to be a Good Person.

See this clip where the dog's overprotection leads to aggression. When Cesar recommends the owner discourage the dog from the protective stance see how the owner doesn't want to actually do it? https://youtu.be/x-vAYBxiLXg?t=197 …

She wants the "Aww he's protecting me." feeling and thus relinquishes her role as leader. She is actually encouraging the behavior that leads to the aggression while simultaneously complaining about the aggression.

Because fundamentally leadership is about this: Decision Making Rights on When to Use Aggression/Violence. Or simplified: Being the One Who Pulls the Trigger. Or Ned Stark's: "The one who passes the sentence should swing the sword."

This aggression/violence doesn't necessarily have to be physical. Psychically it's the SAME thing as going TSSSSS to a dog or any other kind of reprimand. Notice how those who dislike violence often also dislike giving criticism? that's b/c mentally they are the SAME act.