Two main flavors of contentment. The "I showed them" smugness vs thankful gratitude. The former emphasizes the "I" that did the thing while the latter is grateful because "they" did the thing. (e.g. teacher or parent's pride)
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Neither is better than the other but the former requires the constant re-creation and activation of "I" while the latter is perpetual. There's no way to constantly maintain contentment when it always requires an "I".
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An "I" driven contentment engine spends most of its time trying to reach contentment, when the "I" can say "I did THIS" While this can make the eventual contentment feel more intense, it's intensity is only relative. actual intensity is the same as the gratitude kind.
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A "they" driven contentment engine on the other hand only requires awareness. It doesn't requires physical exertion on the body and doesn't require the mind to put together an identity. It just requires a simple awareness.
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This awareness muscle is often deactivated much like muscles in the back are deactivated when sitting for too long over years. These muscles seem weak, especially in relation to the overcompensating larger ones, but they're usually the ones that can do the job eternally w/o pain.
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The deactivation of the awareness muscle happens with trauma. E.g. the kind of scene that a child runs and hides from; or cries to overload the input senses, obscuring the traumatic scene.
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Awareness can only be dampened or turned in another direction. It can be turned off since then it would no longer be awareness. The coping mechanisms from these traumas create blind spots in an awareness field just like muscle deactivation.
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A common awareness blindspot is boredom. Awareness is kept at a constantly low amplitude. Much like visiting manhattan, dampening yourself down to prevent being overwhelmed, and being unable to release when back in the countryside. Everything feels 'boring' relative to the city.
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But boredom awareness is the most foundational one. It is the sacred capstone within a home. Without awareness of boredom there is no way for awareness to rest. It's like a constant injection of caffeine.
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A traumatic response to boredom can be due to a hostile home environment. By being vulnerable enough to say "This is my new home." it's possible to give awareness a new touchstone to rejuvenate itself.
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awareness of boredom being jittery may be a symptom a an awareness is overly self-dampened.
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The created self reduced the visual & auditory channel signal to boost the "words from others" channel but by remaining in this config in a primarily visual/audio environment it's like being in a low resolution black and white world.
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Each "self" is basically an array of input antennas and output reactions. Point this antenna at various memories. If any of them have a "statically" feel it may be possible to reconfigure to increase resolution.
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"No problem can withstand the assault of sustained true listening" - If Voltaire was a Customer Service Rep
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End of conversation
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