P: Can't find, but I see behavior that implies self. E.g. prayers imply God. When I stopped believing in god I stopped praying, but when I stop believing in self I continue selfing.
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G: nothing can be know outside awareness but why jump to the conclusion that awareness is all there is. E: not trying to prove anything to you, you must see for yourself. who is there to be liberated? G: body is slightly nervous at being questioned. useless conditioned response
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E: what do you want? we're not trying to prove anything to each other. what are you trying to find? what is not yet here? G: the end of my suffering. I know it's not really 'my' suffering, still, suffering occurs and when it occurs there is a 'me' that experiences it.
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E: How do you see the end of suffering? G: a long fantastic mind state that is not reactive to anything. I am now confused... Is the noting of my suffering still suffering? Aha! every time sth seems to be missing, the thought that perceives this always has an 'I'!
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G: e.g. if unhappiness exists then it just IS. However if "I" am unhappy than "I" is missing 'happy'. The presence of the "I" is what causes the feeling of missing sth and the desire to seek something! E: Did you ever exist. What is "I"?
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G: Greg is a just a mental fabrication, like a details of memory being constructed in the present. Real world condition give rise to the fabrication but the content is purely fictional. "I" just a mental concept, often occurring w/ "Greg" but fundamentally empty.
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*Bound by strong analytical ability and desire to dissect the present moment as a method of full understanding.
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20/ Caroline(C) C: "Me", "self", and "I" are thoughts, coming and going from nowhere to nowhere. I: What do you feel when I say that there is no self in real life?
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C: I notice feelings and thoughts. Some sadness now too. I: Bring that sadness closer, honor it. Is it just visiting, or is there someone it is happening to? C: Sadness asks me to liberate it. I wanted to say "I love you" to it.
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C: Feels like love is always here, can't find anyone or anything that could be love. Sadness doesn't happen to anyone, it just appeared. When contemplate 'no self" I feel joy and want to laugh instead of constriction.
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C: Before I wanted to rid mind of functioning, labelling, feelings... now it doesn't matter as it isn't happening to anyone. I: wowww : ) much love.
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*Bound by desiring truth to be a source of love instead of that which needed love.
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End of conversation
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