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I: Lol yea, it's like a log statement. What do you see when you look at humans? T: self obsessed, worried, planning for the future, regretting the past, calculating advantage/disadvantage. Missing out on experience by filtering it or relying on the shortcut of stored reactions

I: Seems like ur through. Any questions? T: R u sure? I believe you but everything still is wrapped in "I" I: I'm not asking u to believe me, I'm asking u to check. You can't agree ur way free.

T: I'm encountering fear. I: Look behind it. T: I had a dream last night. Everyone was carrying around cakes. Mine had my name on it, it was "I". Very clearly I realized that "I" pointed to nothing.

I: Ooooh, first dream liberation. cooool. T: Feel like I have a cake hangover... I: Lol haha. Try again, what is "Tom"?

T: Still there, but more transparent. Laughing at previous self for wanting to be so important. I: Yay! enjoy ur liberation. *Bound by REALLY wanting to be important and special.

10/ Lars(L) L: I can only feel no-self in art. Why not in all activities? In normal life I can see the gate and am never through it. E: When you lose self in painting u have no idea how it started. show ur mind this. there is no manager who goes "Ok begin, become the brush."

L: yes yes.. connecting the dots in my life. Everything just happened. No one is controlling anything, everything is connected! E: Ok let's come back to earth a bit. Look at ur immediate experience, not life in general.

L: "I" or "Lars" is just a fiction! I was planning a retreat w/ a Guru but I see that even that good intention is a movement away from now. I feel perfect now, no need to search for enlightenment. E: Right on. The conditioning will continue to fall.

L: I can't believe it. I feel like I've always known but I was following this idea I gave myself that I needed recognition from a teacher like you. I'm cancelling my retreat. Bliss? Enlightenment? Who needs that crap. Life is NOW.

L: Realizing there’s no me doesn’t mean I should be cold or lack empathy. It's just being myself. The expression of life itself is with love but also with war and hate and anger. but without an I, those things come by like clouds.

L: I'm giving away all my Advaita books. I'll read a comic book or biography, or even nothing for a while. E: Lol ok. *Bound by desiring a permanently transcendent reality instead of actual reality.

11/ Chandi(C) C: Chandi doesn't exist but I can't let go. I keep reacting to everything. I: No worries girl, seeing self as not real doesn't change anything. Everything will remain as it is. See how everything has always just happened w/o a 'you' to manage it?

C: If I am not the one loving my kids then where is the loving? Love feels so personal. I: Love is real but 'you' are not. Look at fear w/ respect, doing its job perfectly. C: I feel sick. I see the fear protecting the illusion of Chandi who is protecting her loved ones.

I: Sit with it, let it be there. Let me know when you make peace w/ it. C: I continue to drown in emotions. I can't maintain "no I" I: Well duh. It's not a belief to convince urself of and then maintain. It's clear seeing & then nth left to maintain.

C: The no-soul idea feels so wrong, especially in Islam. Though I can see now that thoughts just arise w/o a 'me'. I: Nothing here challenges Islam. Not looking for a new belief, just looking for truth. There could be a soul, I dunno, the point is "you" don't own it.

C: I see. The "I" is like digesting my food, it is just happening. It's like an operating system, encountered everywhere so thought to be identity. The world feels a bit different, but not a huge shift in consciousness. I: yes ur doing it! what happened?

C: I was thinking about why "I" got stuck on feelings despite no me. I realized it's just a program. I'm worried that "I" will re-appear though. I: No worries, you can't re-believe in Santa Claus right? The rest of the illusions will start falling now. Relax and let it sink in.

*Bound by belief that a new world would completely replace the old world.

12/ Elizabeth(Z) Z: Seeking for 40yrs, I can still smell the 'stink' of wrongness. E: Let's go, tell me more.

Z: I gave up so much and burned so many bridges for this seeking. I found Jed McKenna and Advaita but I'm still burning for release. I can't stand this game of being human. The stink of wrongness is intense. E: Where is the "you" in this story?

Z: It's just memories, my brain, habits, fear, survival, instincts, etc... I almost want a 'me' in there to be special. E: who owns these memories, brain, etc... ? All this stuff exists. It's just 'you' that doesn't. Take a look, is it true?

E: You want a 'me' to be unique? uniqueness won't go away, every flavor of existence is unique. ur hanging on b/c you think u will lose sth right? Z: I fear existence will destabilize w/o 'Elizabeth'. No specialness, no grand dreams, just emptiness... E: Is there 'you'?

Z: I want to understand the soul, the divine spark that animates everything... there must be something.. E: There is Life. There is nth. to lose here or reject. Everything that is there will remain there, only the illusion of owner will fade.

Z: I want to be Oneness... I don't want to disappear. E: You will not disappear, you never were in the first place. You won't lose anything, there never was a you.

Z: * fights bloody battle w/ self * E: Great fight, but ur vast knowledge of how it should be is what's making it so strong. Ignore Jed, he's a jerk who convinced a whole bunch of people they have to stand and fight. fight what? there's nothing to fight.

E: Nothing to lose, nothing to fight. Look at a chicken. Is there self in a chicken? The chicken has no soul but you think "you" should? That's what "YOU" want! Self wants self to exist? Doesn't. Make. Sense. 'chicken' is just a pointer to activity. what does "I" point to?

Z: Yeah, agree about Jed McKenna. Very macho interpretation. Hmm... chickens don't think they need to be something other than what it is. Brain size shouldn't change this. "I" is a pointer to a misguided belief in a broken off piece of Life. I will follow this line of thought.

E: "I am going to follow this" really? "you"? Drop the belief that this is hard & needs to be fought. Is the chicken fighting to be part of reality? Fighting is self fighting to be taken as real.

E: Say I give u a watermelon. Do it now, hold the huge watermelon right between ur hands. Now I ask, how do you get rid of it? You can't. There's nothing there. "How do I get rid of self?" is the same dumb question.

Z: Suddenly had a feeling that "Elizabeth" is just a lie. I actually *saw* that there was no "I". Was that it? E: Keep going! Z: Ahh... all the big thoughts I had about enlightenment were getting in the way. All that fancy reading...