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C: Typing now, the body is here, the keyboard and the screen are here, the action of typing is taking place, and thoughts and more thoughts… E: Now look for "sense of self".

C: It's strongest when thinking about needs & desires. E.g. work & money. Fear about not being able to earn a livelihood.. A realisation: Work will go much better if “I” gets out of the way. E: plz stop trying to analyze ur way free. shut down ur story making functions.

C: so frustrating. what do I specifically do? I wish I could climb 20 mountains and get this over with. E: i's not about climbing 20 mountains, just one step. The idea that it's hard is appealing to the self who wants to be special, more spiritual, more hardcore, etc..

E: In Vipassana there's a nice linear structure. This isn't that. Don't look to me for a set of instructions. This is pointing, but the finger is not instruction. Do not calculate like chess "Oh she means this ... or that..."

C: k so I started questioning my wants from enlightenment: freedom from self-badness, no more work, everlasting solution to all problems, be revered, very special no one else should get it. basically I want to exchange my broken Self for Super Self. sounds so stupid now...

E: Very honest! Let's sweep aside these cartoons and get real. You see what your fantasies are hiding now? There is no magic. It's simple. A 'cosmic joke'. Again. What is "I"?

C: Was brushing my teeth and realized this "I thought" thought is part of every thought. I do not live my life as if Batman existed but self continues to arise. The strongest "I" comes up when it's controlling or directing attention.

E: Yea, "I" is everywhere. Don't try to purge identity though, that's impossible. Classic trap. See that no identity can ever refer to anything real. Don't purge identity. Look behind it and see that there's nothing there.

C: I think I got it. "I" thoughts will always continue to arise but I don't have to believe in their story and give them energy. What a small shift, not a big bang. ty! E: yw! ty for being so honest. *Bound by expecting "I" thoughts to disappear.

9/ Tom(T) T: I'm another "gets it intellectually but not as a gut-feeling" guy. I: Ok, np. I'll help. What is "I" T: The doer is just a bag of thoughts about the doer. I know this but everything feels wrapped in "I". "I" colors every experience * objectifies it.

I: Try this. See that all thoughts, including this "I" thought just floats in and out of consciousness? T: Ok. Tried to really reinforced that there is no "I" I: yea but what did the reinforcing T: hmm... that's just another thought... I was just mantra-ing "There is no self."

I: Nice progress! What about feelings? T: *poetry about meditating under a full moon* I: Unique method... but seeing through illusion and seeing that Frodo Baggins isn't real both have nth. to do with meditation. T: * more poetry *

I: Ok... let's try sth different. Self is a REAL character. Real likes, real dislikes, but fictional. What do you see now? T: Okay.. trying to see "self" to be as real as Batman. But the "I" is still looking...

I: Ok good, you see the character. Now back to "I". "I" is a thought, thoughts don't think. Yes? T: Weird, my thoughts stop when I try this. I: Ok good, thoughts don't think. Now what's doing the focusing?

T: I know the answer is 'noone" but still feels like it's initiated by 'something'. Though just realized on a walk that the "I"s that I had are the same "I"s that I've had in my past. It's the SAME "I" thought. It's obvious it doesn't reference a real identity.

I: Lol yea, it's like a log statement. What do you see when you look at humans? T: self obsessed, worried, planning for the future, regretting the past, calculating advantage/disadvantage. Missing out on experience by filtering it or relying on the shortcut of stored reactions

I: Seems like ur through. Any questions? T: R u sure? I believe you but everything still is wrapped in "I" I: I'm not asking u to believe me, I'm asking u to check. You can't agree ur way free.

T: I'm encountering fear. I: Look behind it. T: I had a dream last night. Everyone was carrying around cakes. Mine had my name on it, it was "I". Very clearly I realized that "I" pointed to nothing.

I: Ooooh, first dream liberation. cooool. T: Feel like I have a cake hangover... I: Lol haha. Try again, what is "Tom"?

T: Still there, but more transparent. Laughing at previous self for wanting to be so important. I: Yay! enjoy ur liberation. *Bound by REALLY wanting to be important and special.

10/ Lars(L) L: I can only feel no-self in art. Why not in all activities? In normal life I can see the gate and am never through it. E: When you lose self in painting u have no idea how it started. show ur mind this. there is no manager who goes "Ok begin, become the brush."

L: yes yes.. connecting the dots in my life. Everything just happened. No one is controlling anything, everything is connected! E: Ok let's come back to earth a bit. Look at ur immediate experience, not life in general.

L: "I" or "Lars" is just a fiction! I was planning a retreat w/ a Guru but I see that even that good intention is a movement away from now. I feel perfect now, no need to search for enlightenment. E: Right on. The conditioning will continue to fall.

L: I can't believe it. I feel like I've always known but I was following this idea I gave myself that I needed recognition from a teacher like you. I'm cancelling my retreat. Bliss? Enlightenment? Who needs that crap. Life is NOW.

L: Realizing there’s no me doesn’t mean I should be cold or lack empathy. It's just being myself. The expression of life itself is with love but also with war and hate and anger. but without an I, those things come by like clouds.

L: I'm giving away all my Advaita books. I'll read a comic book or biography, or even nothing for a while. E: Lol ok. *Bound by desiring a permanently transcendent reality instead of actual reality.

11/ Chandi(C) C: Chandi doesn't exist but I can't let go. I keep reacting to everything. I: No worries girl, seeing self as not real doesn't change anything. Everything will remain as it is. See how everything has always just happened w/o a 'you' to manage it?

C: If I am not the one loving my kids then where is the loving? Love feels so personal. I: Love is real but 'you' are not. Look at fear w/ respect, doing its job perfectly. C: I feel sick. I see the fear protecting the illusion of Chandi who is protecting her loved ones.

I: Sit with it, let it be there. Let me know when you make peace w/ it. C: I continue to drown in emotions. I can't maintain "no I" I: Well duh. It's not a belief to convince urself of and then maintain. It's clear seeing & then nth left to maintain.

C: The no-soul idea feels so wrong, especially in Islam. Though I can see now that thoughts just arise w/o a 'me'. I: Nothing here challenges Islam. Not looking for a new belief, just looking for truth. There could be a soul, I dunno, the point is "you" don't own it.