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I: What is the thing that goes 'wtf'? P: I feel like I'm close, this is frustrating. Argh, what is it I don't understand. I: Stop trying this and that and up and down. Don't try to understand the wall just hammer it down. P: argh!! spiritual woo fills my mind making me crazy.

I: Remember Neo. "Why do my eyes hurt" "You've never used them before." P: argh!! why does Philip care so much. I: It's a defense mechanism, let it break down. P: so.. confused... I: breathe, it will pass.

P: I can't believe I've been so uptight my life, ty Ilona. I: you're welcome. *Bound by morality.

2/ Shane(S) S: I've helped many students through suffering as an ordained Buddhist minister, having meditated for 15 yrs. Yet I'm only teaching to relax the body and still the mind. How do I permanently see through the illusion? I want the SNAP that makes me go AH!.

E: You're very honest Shawn. Let's start. What is "I" S: Arising and falling away stuff. I felt an uneasy grasping when you called me Shawn instead of Shane though. E: Break it down, you've enough experience. Don't go into equanimity. ASK. Where is the clinging?

S: *Buddhism spiel* E: Stop it or I'll slap you. Answer the question. Insight doesn't matter. Focus. S: Ok sry. It's clinging to wanting to be that intelligent, charming, funny, nice, hard working guy.

E: That's WHY, tell me WHAT. Shut off all your scripts including the meditation one. Listen and tell me what. S: ... it's being. I really want to BE a SOMEBODY... why am I crying... E: See how being doesn't require the somebody?

S: Life is beautiful now. Everything is as it should be. E: Ok now go chop wood. *Bound by 'Be Somebody'

3/ Bruno(B) B: I see Bruno, like I'm a separate ghost. I spend so long watching this like a movie. What am I missing? I: You're trying to hard to see something, like you NEED to see something you do not see yet. Try this. Where do thoughts come from?

B: Hm... nowhere. Self is just a label. There is no 'one' that suffers. Just like a movie character. "I" is a social program. Ah.. I see now.. something has changed yet nothing has changed. I: Cool, nj. *Bound by trying too hard to understand the character.

4/ Jamie(J) J: I can't find self, but I still feel like I exist. help plz. E: Ofc. You can't find a unicorn right? Why are you still trying? You're waiting for your "self" to understand. Stop waiting for the magic. Investigate.

J: "it" seems to attach to every perception and dissolves and jumps to sth. else when I investigate. I feel stuck. So frustrating. E: Don't look for improvements in your life. Take a walk outside and rant to me about your experience.

J: A bunch of experiences go in and out of my consciousness. Yet there's a pervasive desire to seek the one who is experience it all. A feeling of "I don't see a unicorn, but maybe if I keep trying." E: Stop hiding behind your ideas. Is there an "I"?

J: No there isn't. Everything just IS. "I" at most is a label that tries to stick to everything. E: Cool you're getting it. J: Wait wtf. Is this all? I have a whole library of books and have been meditating for 25 yrs just for this? This has gotta be a joke.

J: God I feel stupid. Fuck Adyashanti, what a stupid name. Fuck Jed McKenna, why did he need 3 books for this. "THIS is NOT what you want." Now I get it. All this time I've wasted. E: Quite a small truth isn't it? Take some time off and let it deepen.

J: Back from vacation. God enlightenment is such a dumb word. "Annihilated" is better. Still can't believe McKenna wrote 3 books when 3 words "I Don't Exist" would've sufficed. *Bound by seeker/hunter mindset & rube goldberg trap trying to catch Unicorn.

5/ Eric(E) E: Life just IS. How can there be a "me". What am I missing? Something isn't releasing. Yet how can something that doesn't exist release? Am real tired of this shit. I: It's like finding out Santa doesn't exist. Nothing changes, only the illusion falls.

E: I see, nothing changes, yet once Santa is seen as an illusion it cannot be unseen. I get it now. I: What was the push? E: I dunno, a bunch of stuff. I: Neato. *Bound by trying to solve a paradox.

6/ Michael(M) M: I've been practicing Zen/Vipassana for 40 yrs. Multiple retreats, etc.. "I" never permanently dissolves. Feel so inadequate seeing all your new students break through so fast. Help? E: Ok, let's start. What r you really searching for?

M: No suffering. To stop floating away from the present moment. The seeking is to stop the damn seeking. Sometimes feel like I'm trying to be a Good Boy. The Best Dharma Student. E: Yeah I can relate. Focus, everything just IS correct? Rain doesn't require doer yes?

M: Yeah yeah I get all this. Side question. I have a 6-week Vipassana retreat soon, should I still go? I don't see how more seeking is gonna solve the seeking problem. E: ur trying too hard to "believe" something. trying to the right belief, at the right strength, etc...

E: Long term seekers like u and I have whole structures around seeking. Never ends. Constant low grade dissatisfaction. Then we hate some young folk to protect our 40 yrs of seeking. Not fair right? Still, it stirs the fire. 6 weeks? Stop. Let's end this in 10 seconds.

M: icic, was just listening to Eckhart Tolle.. E: Yo, stop spamming your mind w/ different teachers when working w/ me. You can't zap yourself into the state. Focus. One thing at a time. Where is "you"?

M: *blah blah blah equanimity stuff* E: Stop it. You're trying to 'fake it' until it 'catches'. You've been ploughing this furrow for 40 yrs, you're not gonna do it by doing the same thing but harder.

E: Snap out of it and look. Be able to explain it to a 10 yr old. Drop the vocabulary and the convention. Use your own words. Your habitual spiritual language is part of your cage. M: I feel so bad. Some part of me was hoping to get your validation.

E: WHO is feeling inadequate? WHO is feeling frustrated? Can "you" stop the feelings? Can you stop the thoughts? I'm not judging you. There isn't a whole curriculum here like Vipassana. Just one step. M: Hmm.. I feel so light this morning. Something changed.

E: Tell me more to make sure. Where is "I"? M: Self reference feels weird. Get to c life instead of Me doing. "I" still sometimes solidifies, but dissolves quickly. E: Sweet, you got it. *Bound by trying to literally write a peaceful neverending story. (stories have conflict)

7/ Joao(J) J: I only intellectually understand "no self". I can't find it, I wonder where thoughts come from, who is controlling this body, etc.. yet still I sense "self" I: Rant a bit plz, I need to know more about where ur at.

J: Everything is real, this body is real, these thoughts are real, only the idea that there’s a “me” creating all this is an illusion. “I” posed questions to “myself” that destroy the possibility of the existence of a self. “I” started to see it. I was not controlling anything."

J: But I still have doubts. omg there is always a feeling of a “me” watching everything, but “I” know that’s impossible. Really frustrated.