Is it possible to talk to yourself? I end up observing two entities talking to each other. One located "somewhere" and the other in my head.
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True humility is when you enter the state where you are NOT the storyteller rehashing the same old tale but instead the Hand, humbling serving the Moment in content ignorance as to increase the delight of seeing the final result.
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Test for this. Sit still and measure "boredom". Boredom is a symptom of arrogance as it derides the present moment as unremarkable despite it being a miracle. (It's not about intellectual appreciation, it's about the 'feeling'.)
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It also doesn't mean that boredom is bad. It's just a pain signal trying to provide information. It tells you that you're missing the sensitivity to make the most of the constant signal around you.
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Either you need to level up and increase your sensitivity or if that's too hard of a jump move to a higher signal area and increase your skill in more manageable leaps. Constantly failing at the same difficult thing doesn't actually improve anything except your hard work score.
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Being around someone highly sensitive is a weird feeling. You can get the sense that babies are super sensitive. Many people find it awkward and even shameful to look a baby in the eyes. It's pure innocence seeing through you.
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Thought Pointer Reference: Turn off the movie and shut up to hear God.
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Subtlety Discrimination is not a valid substitution for sensitivity. Sensitivity is experience to life. How deeply you feel things. Just b/c you can identify all 100 flavors in a beer or wine doesn't mean you're actually "feeling" it.
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They're *usually* correlated because feeling life fully means you can feel the pea under the mattress and so can become a mattress design expert.
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What often happens is that intensity is traded for subtlety. You know more about a smaller area because you've withdrawn light & power from a wider area to create this focused beam.
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Ironically, having a lot of projects or stuff you want to do can actually SUCK the life away from the everyday. Not even 1000 laser dots can replace the gentle glow of a candle despite each being the same power.
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It's one who turns everything into a project. Life is spent running around from one mental game to another. Real world, with all its ugly imperfectness, is just an obstacle to get around and see less of.
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It's a desperate attempt to make the night day by filling the world with stars. A project in vain as not even millions and billions have worked. Still... often the reason day does not come is because it requires the sacrifice of all those stars.
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If I'm spending so much energy distinguishing between subtle differences that I can't enjoy life anymore shouldn't I instead let go of some differences?
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I do this consciously when I decide to eat junk food. It's quite fun to be in moments of gluttony. I don't feel bad about it b/c it was controlled gluttony. Just like how controlled aggression is protection, this too can be virtuous when controlled.
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