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Revelation events are felt as cold betrayals because someone you thought was there for you is suddenly gone. You reach to feel warmth and just stumble into empty coldness. It was just a bunch of pillows stuffed under the bed sheets.

What all this put together implies is that loneliness is the natural tendency of things. Red ink dropped into the ocean expands and eventually disappears. The individual molecules never come together again to recreate the experience of being red ink.

Every resynchronization event can be considered a game. Like playing a board game over weeks/months/years. Within the context of a game you have an identity or a mask. When you team up, you create a team identity that acts as a single unit.

Without a reason for that team to exist, the team falls apart. This can be seen in politics where reasons can be desperately grasped at to keep together a community. Even if it's something like a coal mining community in the middle of nowhere.

For intimate relationships the game is usually child rearing. "I want to play an at-least 2 decade long game with you." "Wow, you really like me that much huh?"

There are other games, but they can often be short term. E.g. marriage for "only have sex w/ me and I'll support your life style" only lasts as long as the sex appeal does.

Marriages that are built around owning each other create weak communities because the base link revolves around something with a limited shelf life. Loneliness, like entropy, is the natural state of things.

Without creating an external witness that binds a pair to something outside their internal realities, the drift in their world views eventually becomes a betrayal/revelation shock that can shatter the relationship.

The magnitude of these shocks is in proportion to how much drift has accumulated due to lack of synchronization. Regular sex for example keeps couples together because it's easy to tell when something is "off" and try to fix it. (or make it worse, results vary)

There's a certain state that some people reach where this existential loneliness is accepted. This situation is common in Haruki Murakami novels where characters just start having sex unexpectedly.

It's why spiritual gurus can be correlated with orgy sex cults. If you can see the same "soul" burning within everyone even across a vast sea of psychic darkness, you can feel a sense of love towards that person.

In summary... I think it's more effective to think about relationships as a series of journeys. To switch too often is like being a tourist, there's value in longer journeys.

Being from a broken home is like growing up in a small rickety ship. You read about "Homes" in storybooks and fair tales and you try to recreate a loving home for yourself. Even the most table homes though are just giant ships sailing through space as incredible speeds.

Without this understanding that it's just a bunch of bigger boats nested within each other sailing in the vast emptiness of space there's a temptation to try and control things similar to trying to beat the ocean into a serene swimming pool.

You can end up looking for something you will never find because it doesn't exist and fall prey to everyone who claims to be able to provide to for you. Either outright manipulative sociopaths or other broken souls who believe the same myth you do.