The act of applying a solution to a problem can be so addicting that the problem is kept alive to continue the act of applying the solution.
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Appreciating something like fine wine or coffee is a similar process. If you jump into deep complexity without learning the basics you're forced to just wander around like an idiot pretending to be good at something.
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E.g. if you know that 'dirt of Italy' is correlated with expensive wines so you learn to recognize it. With a big enough bag of these "hacks" you can be considered an 'expert' even when you're really a 'fake'.
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What fear and anxiety do is they cause you to amass a surplus of these pills. You're so afraid of pain that you buy a huge barrel of them from Costco. When it's time to move on you're still stuck with ineffective pills that you have to "finish".
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What was previously a source of soothing is now a pile of anxiety and obligation. Most relationships end up in this state.
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The thing that maximizes the chance of 2 people being on the same journey for the most amount of time is if they're popping the same pills. That is, their addiction path direction and acceleration has to be roughly similar.
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This type of resonance can be forced to some extent. E.g. if 2 people derive their life meaning from their children then they're synced up to some extend. (Depends on the sacred position of children in their respective worldviews)
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End of conversation
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