More abstractly, instead of asking "what goal is X trying to accomplish" ask "what script is X trying to continue to justify?"
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I think quite a few couples end up having children because they only know how to follow the "spend life energy to make money" script and having children is a guaranteed way to continue that script indefinitely.
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They're very different stances towards solving the "what do I do with myself" problem. Asking the wrong question will lead you to entirely incorrect models of the person. Script breakers and script perpetuators have very different world views.
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Programming is great when you realize how powerful scripts are. It sucks when the scripts start to take on a life of their own. It's like when you first cut yourself with a knife, "Wait what... this hurts..."
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"Why the fuck did I write this?" "Oh right, b/c I couldn't help jizzing my ego over everything."
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End of conversation
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