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The middle one, "wanting someone to be in my life" is also somewhat selfish because it means "wanting someone to always be in my consciousness" which means "wanting someone's projection in my consciousness"

There's no way for anyone to fully be in someone else's consciousness. All we can do is present one aspect of ourselves. If you always treat a person politely, in your mind, you're a polite guy. Your partner however, who sees your darker sides, has a completely different model.

Agreeable people tend to curate their projections more carefully. They present the prettier sides of themselves (or the smaller if anxious-agreeable). Women tend to do this a lot for others. E.g. the social pressure to smile more.

A man might believe that a waitress is really interested in him even though she was just being polite. This isn't delusional BTW, it's very normal. Here's why:

The waitress is really good at presenting a 'pretty image'. It's a more complex image and is more real. Just like good CGI can feel real. Within the man's mind, that CGI is just as good if not better than his other models of women.

Someone with more experience could point out "Well that's just CGI, she's not that into you, you gotta know her more."

Remember how childhood shows looks amazing when we were young but now look like crap? That's the resolution difference. The more sexually experienced person sees how cartoonish the projection was and experiences "She's just trying to be nice."

The less sexually experienced experiences this as "Wow this person is one of the top 3 people who seem to want me in their life. She must be interested in me." Often this overstepping will lead to a rebuff and then a rebuff of the rebuff "Whore!"

Why that insult makes sense from the man's perspective is that the waitress was "faking it" to make more money from tips.

People very much underestimate the love gap between people. Imagine how love starved someone is to interpret above average basic politeness as a love interest. Maybe this is 99% of clueless incel behavior. They aren't properly calibrated.

Why this also is correlated with misogyny is because lack of love often starts in highschool. The gender dynamics are raw and obvious. A few boys get the attention of many of the girls.

For a child, sharing your favorite toy can be the greatest act of love. For a student, helping someone else study. For an adult, crying with you in sadness. The acts of love at younger levels of maturity as just responsibilities at the higher levels.

The extreme of interpreting a high-school level wink as love interest in adulthood is like falling in love with someone who shares a pencil with you. It's possible between toddlers, but ridiculous as adults.

The reason many overly agreeable people (i.e. women) feel more "trapped" is because their projections into the minds of others are more caring. You have to use resting bitch face to cancel out the naturally more loving nature that's correlated with agreeableness.

The more caring someone thinks of you, the more they want to "collect" you into their "home". E.g moving closer to the warm/light.

"I love you" means "I want you to always appear like this in my consciousness". It's stupid b/c it puts someone on a pedestal.

Imagine someone going up to you: "Chin up a bit, smile, ok stand a little wider, ok good, freeze. Just like that. Now stand there FOREVER!". Even if you objectify someone as the Sacred Goddess of Light it's still objectification which is still a form of dehumanization.

When you're whipping someone and really loving them, you're doing an extreme form of this "sacred dehumanization". You REALLY need for someone to be a certain way because without that, there is no light in your life.

The pain from the threat of loss of life/light is real and all of that burden is placed on someone else. The more you love them, the harder you whip. MUST. MUST. MUST.

This fear is highly correlated with immaturity and being stuck with the "Love is you being in my home" phase. Which is also highly correlated with cowardice due to the inability to let go of the "home" and venture out.

A lot of inter-generational conflict comes from the pain that is generated by this "Whip of Love". What feels like Love (the Highest Good) to you feels like Burning Devil Hate to someone else.

For men, there is a unique aspect of love that traditionally isn't open to women. This is the "I want you to be able to stand on your own two feet without me. I want you to be a Man™ " ritual of leaving the spartan child in the dark forest of wolves.

It's the most painful and fiercest of the true forms of love. It can even feel worse than the most painful of the false forms of love. When someone we love abandons us it can feel worse than torture. Cutting yourself can literally better.

(Depression is falling out of love with yourself.)

That this love is traditionally reserved for men is not great since women also exist as conscious beings. No matter who you are, you will face existential loneliness and despair. It's not just "Men" who have to be able to stand on their own two feet.

Yet think about the "throw the child into forest" ritual. The blood and sacrifice is *necessary* just like dying of animals is necessaries for evolution via gene propagation. You need to stack rank and cull. Sons sacrifice themselves for society. "War Heroes"

Nowadays though, physical strength and a strong will aren't necessary. Men don't need to die to serve society. The equivalent is basically a stupid guy realizing he's stupid (within a domain) and withholding his opinion. An aspect of the ego dies instead of the physical gene.

At a social level we're opening up women more and more to this "Fierce Love". There's no need to throw people to the wolves anymore so the more sacred feminine is brought out to 'play' after being stifled in so long it was like a prison.

This fierce love truly is fierce though. Imagine someone drugging you with a huge dose of lsd/mushrooms/dmt etc... to help you face existential loneliness. Would you forgive that person? E.g. what "V" did to Evey in the film "V for Vendetta"