It's like holding a nerf gun to someone's head: "You'd better make smart decisions or else I'll shoot this foam dart at you!"
So.. to 'save the world' is to 'save my world' is to accept the ugliness that arises within. The self sees self as ugly because it is more privy to inner reality than curated image. Reality always falls short of the Ideal. Ideals literally are "That which shames reality."
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If shame isn't working out for you as a self-improvement mechanism, then it's working out even less when you use it on others. This 'pain' of being ugly to yourself is your inner 'higher' self telling you to reject your parents/society's threat-of-violence mechanism.
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