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But never taking off your shoes leaves you in a state of perpetual immaturity. E.g. the calloused fists of a master vs the soft hands holding a gun. The former has more 'spirit'.

When you death grip a weapon (e.g. gun, sword, intelligence, beauty, money) the weapon becomes a part of you. It's a type of perpetual background tenseness that requires constant energy.

Perpetual energy expenditure is useful when it's something like breathing or your heartbeat. That's stuff your don't want to actively manage. It's not that useful when it's something like back-pain. You want to be able to relax that kind of stuff.

A "hole" is permanent just like permanent marker is. Nothing is really permanent because everything is just a bunch of atoms. Your consciousness or field-of-being is just a series of atomic moments.

Permanency is relative. Permanent marker is effectively permanent for the environments it's in. E.g. label on an item in a drawer. Time makes this a bit tricky since it's like sap. It locks moments permanently into history.

Childhood wounds for example can't be healed because you can't go back to the past. You can't heal a relationship with a parent if that parent is dead.

However.... when you think about the past or the future it's always the present reconstructing a model and replaying it. Every memory is a re-enactment with you as the director. You're putting on the same show, night after night, year after year. "The show must go on."

"If a tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound" If you have an idea in your head and you don't hire the actors, write the script, and put on the show. Is it really real? If there's no one there to "see" your pain, does it exist?