For most people, cutting yourself feels insane, but my guess is that the mental equivalent of cutting yourself over and over again is actually fairly prevalent.
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"If a tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound" If you have an idea in your head and you don't hire the actors, write the script, and put on the show. Is it really real? If there's no one there to "see" your pain, does it exist?
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Most 'pain' is seeing your pain internally and repressing it from an audience. Or hiding the pain and displaying the alternative beautiful side instead.
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Repression is like putting makeup over a scar day in and day out for years. (For many women the scar is 'i'm not pretty enough') Transmutation is like putting together a beautiful vase from a broken chandelier and saying "See, nothing was broken."
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Pain-driven creative expression is like showing off your "shame" in a way. It's a desire to share your pain because you know the raw expression of it isn't socially accepted. "Come see this show, you'll feel terrible afterwards." "Er... no thanks..."
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We adjust our shows to shove in a happy ending we don't really believe in to attract more views. Then we put on the show over and over again. We lose the plot because we never finished the plot.
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Subconsciously there's a desire to "Start a new journey" precisely because the original journey never finished. You can't make money off a Neverending Story after all.
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A purely protocol and transaction based society feels cold because everything wraps up at the moment of mutual agreement. There are no infinite threads. The only way to keep a thread going is to keep the drama going via perpetual conflict.
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To "trust in god" via faith means to accept that the plan will be revealed to you as necessary. It's not an intentional marginalization or withholding of secrets. It's just how reality works. Reality can work in no other way but via moment by moment emergence into consciousness
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To want to jump ahead in a story means to copy-paste Paste into the Future. Pain creates future anxiety => drive for an artificial future by tessellating the same pain pattern => disconnection from reality => pain
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End of conversation
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