In a game, if you die for every win it feels frustrating. When you’re continuousy winning non-stop it feels great.
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A bully doesn’t feel evil. A bully feels good. Often because they have’t humanized the other person since they’re so much more “below”
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If you’ve ever expressed or felt superiority in this way chances are the person on the receiving end felt you were a bully.
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This sense of winning is necessary for life. It’s the prime driver for humanity to fight against death. Without it, the fight is seen as pointless, and death wins.
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Bullies deserve to feel it too. They just need to channel it into something else.
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Maturity is a process of humanizing everyone in your reality. It makes it difficult to be angry when losing because you love your opponent.
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Humanization isn’t easy. I think it’s the same as love. The only human we know is ourselves. We naturally believe our own experience to be the most nuanced and beautiful.
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To humanize is to realize someone else is “just like you”. It’s the most easy yet the most difficult. Only “you” can do it. There’s noone to copy. No tricks. No tools to buy.
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Two people must bravely show their hearts to each other in the presence of a third and be judged. One lives. One dies.
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To find a worthy opponent means to defeat and thus win over a friend. You’re on a journey to love everyone. Even the Most Evil Person who no one else will love.
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The smiling gladiator trope is both real and fake. Most people don’t want to meet their match. They want to bully people. Yet it’s also real. Once winning can be channeled into love then meeting your match becomes your greatest joy.
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What the circle of competence is in your life is your circle of love. If there’s any conflict in you right now, it’s preventing your growth. You have to deal with it. By definition it will be the thing that requires the most of your courage.
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If you don’t deal with then you end up in arrested development. You’re stuck over some family argument.
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Once your circle is whole naturally things will start coming to you.
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End of conversation
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