Every experience is by necessity self-centered. An “I” is necessary for experience just as an eye is necessary for sight.
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A selfish action is that which emphasizes this center. It’s an unnecessary emphasis. Narcicissism is a pattern of action that continuously emphasizes this center.
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When a narcissist tries to be unselfish it is like an arrow pointing outwards from this center to something else. A self aware attempt at “curing” your narcissism still emphasizes this center. A reverse arrow.
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Being unselfish thus is the same as being selfish. They are two sides of the same coin.
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Pure or natural action is that which is not tainted by this desire to emphasize self. It is a form of being and flowing. The center “dissolves” because it is always in motion. A river is a “thing” but also cannot be captured. “River” is only the name, not the being.
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Selfish and unselfish usually just mean good or bad for society. The terms are not rooted in the concept of self as center but society as center. To be unselfish typically just means to narcissitically sacrifice for society.
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Both full narcissism and its opposite, no-self, are ‘bad’ for society because both states don’t need drugs. Society has nothing to offer and thus no method of control.
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The offer of “I will be the center of your life.” is no longer fulfilling.
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Society is just a recursive stack of these centers. Family, child, partner, career, etc... it’s a center of centers. An amusement park of infinite rides.
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Trying to revolve around something else, or getting other things to revolve around you both create false centers. A true center is like a spinning top. Except without mass.
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Trying to not be narcissistic creates narcisissism. Acceptance of narcissism dissolves it. Trying to not be narcissistic by accepting it puts you in a koanic bind.
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Practically speaking though, this is about disabling the 'desire for recognition' script. The 'thing' that someone else recognizes is never who you think you are and who you think you are is never actually who you are.
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If most of your time is spent waiting for gold medals you'll spend a lot of energy and tension maintaining and projecting a specific identity so that the medal can be pinned onto it.
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Instagram pictures for example are an identity that is maintained to get likes. Businesses are an avatar that are used to get more useful likes (money). The latter can make fun of the former only because it's a lot more difficult to confuse the identities.
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End of conversation
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