As children other people and the external world affect us directly. As we grow, we can selectively reject or accept certain emotions. The 'perfect' adult can perfectly manage their emotional state.
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The reason why Jed McKenna's "Human Adulthood" is synonymous with "Enlightenment" is because an adult is someone who can self-regulate their emotions.
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Most states of arrested development (most of humanity) are arrested because the right emotion can't be deployed at will with enough skill. It's like trying to play a piece of music you haven't practiced enough.
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Or It's like having to cast a spell verbally in the Harry Potter world vs non-verbal casting. In order to be happy we can't just be happy. We have to have the right stuff happen in the right order at the right time.
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