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We grow up afraid of intimacy when we have the odd suspicion that we're the common factor for all previous failed relationships. Everyone by default has this feeling now because of how fast we move.

Normally a core relationship like one with your mother or father provides a way to calibrate what a 'strong' relationship is. If these lifelines are broken (divorced parents, estranged best friends) you start to feel 'rootless' and lost.

Core relationships are the source of all your life energy. The deeper your root, the more energy you have. Wealthy families have deep roots. Popular people have wide roots. Both strong, but in different ways.

If you're estranged from your parents you have very little root. If you have a strong relationship with them and they to their own parents you have deep root that goes back 2 generations.

With a family legacy you have a huge advantage over others. Identification with skin color or religion also has deep root.

We choose a mixed bag of these ideas and mold it into a personality. We're looking for deep root, to feel powerful and alive.

That's why community is so useful. Nature self-selects into beautiful combinations. We float around picking up ideas until we become a scientists, firefighter, father, etc... We float around until we encounter and other and create new life.