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On the opposite side, a new positive state will slowly change over time despite your best efforts at stopping it. Without knowing how the mechanism works we can't maintain positive states or escape from negative states.

We have intuition though. Changing our environment. We can travel, switch jobs, etc... These are natural reaction to a feeling that something is not 'right'.

No matter where you go though, you won't be able to find environments of positive state because there is no free lunch. Positive contexts are curated and guarded because such environments require energy and effort to maintain.

A 'family' is such an environment. Whenever we change environments, we're actually looking for a sense of belonging. Actual families almost always fail to live up to this as the happy family dynamic is heavily optimized to that period where kids are cute.

Children often are the only things holding a family together and once the teenage years start, that glue starts to dissolve. The relationship between father and mother especially has a tendency to break down.

There's a determinism to this sponginess. People can't help but be the way they are. Certain types of pain propel them onto certain paths. At each moment they are being changed by the environment.

An identity is a complex and high information pattern of tension that takes in reality and constantly recreates the same 'signal'. That tension is what allows the sponge to hold water.

A strong identity is a very rigid, like a water bottle, capped and static. A flexible one is very soft and spongelike, everyday jostles keep it in tune with the environment.