People are like sponges, soaking up whatever they surround themselves with. Being 'full' of stuff already prevents being affected by the environment. Strong identities are formed when the environment is considered hostile.
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Strong experiences forcibly squeeze out identity, allowing a fresh start. If the new environment is negative however you can end up stuck in a negative state.
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You'll have an advantage of knowing that identity is fluid and dynamic, having experienced it, but you won't know how to actually change it yourself, leading to a lot of frustration.
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On the opposite side, a new positive state will slowly change over time despite your best efforts at stopping it. Without knowing how the mechanism works we can't maintain positive states or escape from negative states.
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We have intuition though. Changing our environment. We can travel, switch jobs, etc... These are natural reaction to a feeling that something is not 'right'.
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No matter where you go though, you won't be able to find environments of positive state because there is no free lunch. Positive contexts are curated and guarded because such environments require energy and effort to maintain.
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A 'family' is such an environment. Whenever we change environments, we're actually looking for a sense of belonging. Actual families almost always fail to live up to this as the happy family dynamic is heavily optimized to that period where kids are cute.
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Children often are the only things holding a family together and once the teenage years start, that glue starts to dissolve. The relationship between father and mother especially has a tendency to break down.
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There's a determinism to this sponginess. People can't help but be the way they are. Certain types of pain propel them onto certain paths. At each moment they are being changed by the environment.
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An identity is a complex and high information pattern of tension that takes in reality and constantly recreates the same 'signal'. That tension is what allows the sponge to hold water.
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A strong identity is a very rigid, like a water bottle, capped and static. A flexible one is very soft and spongelike, everyday jostles keep it in tune with the environment.
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With 'no' identity the sponge entirely disappears, it doesn't hold onto anything. Everything flows unimpeded. You're like a pebble observing the river flowing around you. You can do this because you are 'dead' inside.
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If for some reason you want to get to this pebble-like state because you're tired of the drama around you, the path can feel like dying. Forgiveness is this skill. You let your old identity that was insulted go and let it die.
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When you let go of everything that can be let go you're left with what you truly are. (every-'thing' can be let go, the pebble is a singularity. only no-'thing' can't be let go of.)
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End of conversation
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