Troy JohnsonVerified account

@_troyjohnson

I write about food & do stuff on TV | most recent tweets:

San Diego
favstar.fm/users/_troyjoh…
Joined January 2009
176 Photos and videos Photos and videos

Tweets

@_troyjohnson is blocked

Are you sure you want to view these Tweets? Viewing Tweets won't unblock @_troyjohnson.

  2. 18 minutes ago

    The Frenchman got blood in our food. It's up to his competitors to decide if he's going home. Bye bye.

    1 retweet 2 likes
  3. 28 minutes ago

    . just Fast Times at Ridgemont High'd our microwave on

    1 like
  4. 46 minutes ago

    Tune in to Guys Grocery Games at 8pm. Redemption episode. , , and myself.

    3 likes
  5. Retweeted
    5 Jul 2015

    [on 1st date] Me: Have you ever flown to Paris on a private jet before? Her: No, I'd love to Me: Same Me: *shows photo of cat* this is Tim

    3,954 retweets 6,625 likes
  6. Apr 8

    If you're a grown man and you constantly have your fly down, get it together and stop being such a me.

    7 retweets 40 likes
  7. Retweeted
    Mar 24

    Sitting in traffic like the non-helicopter owning loser that I am.

    641 retweets 1,061 likes
  8. Apr 8

    Under every woman's bathroom sink is a full-service Rite-Aid. Men need a tiny little clerk in there to find our two things.

    4 retweets 33 likes
  9. Apr 8

    I'd like to thank the California drought for making my dead lawn look like an act of ecological responsibility.

    10 retweets 44 likes
  10. Apr 8

    Gained weight. But I don't need new jeans because now they're yoga pants.

    2 retweets 12 likes
  11. Retweeted
    2 Oct 2014

    *peels off yoga pants to reveal even yogier pants*

    1,642 retweets 3,483 likes
  12. Retweeted
    Apr 7

    If money could talk, it would always be saying goodbye.

    89 retweets 134 likes
  13. Retweeted
    Jan 22

    I'm kinda like Sampson, except I lose all my power if you wipe off my eyebrows.

    255 retweets 313 likes
  14. Apr 8

    [diary] Year 30. Yet to find turkey that speaks adequate jive. Life's work may be futile.

    9 retweets 22 likes
  15. Apr 8 San Diego, CA

    Padres scored a run. Online buying my world series tix.

    3 retweets 14 likes
  16. Retweeted
    13 Mar 2015

    If you know how many calories are in your cinnamon bun, you're eating it wrong.

    308 retweets 509 likes
  17. Retweeted
    Jan 2

    When you die your voice gets added to the Big Bang Theory laugh track.

    4,215 retweets 7,782 likes
  18. Apr 6

    Hi, yeah, I realize we haven't spoken in 30 years, but I just thought of a good comeback for that time you insulted me.

    29 retweets 60 likes
  19. Retweeted
    23 Jul 2014

    This morning I jogged for 30 swear words.

    715 retweets 1,295 likes
  20. Retweeted
    10 Feb 2013

    More people would use gambling addiction hotlines if every 10th caller was a winner.

    757 retweets 1,126 likes
  21. Retweeted
    24 Feb 2013

    I just want someone who loves me for who I am on the internet.

    494 retweets 817 likes

@_troyjohnson hasn't tweeted yet.

Loading seems to be taking a while.

Twitter may be over capacity or experiencing a momentary hiccup. Try again or visit Twitter Status for more information.

    You may also like

    ·