I don't have a soundcloud, but thank you all for these imaginary internet points, I'll be sure to include them in my tenure dossier.
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Hey so now I have your attention, consider donating to the Tahirih Justice Center (
@tahirihjustice) who do great work protecting the victims of gender-based violence https://www.tahirih.org/Show this thread
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Hi Professor. I’m a rookie teacher. I’m going to be hopelessly inept but after one of my students gets injured/killed/drops out/tells me I suck, I’m going to figure it all out and by the end of the year I will be the best teacher in the state. (Seriously, I’ll win an award)
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Hi. I'm the veteran teacher who uses 50 yr old teaching strategies & underestimates everyone. I wear brown & lecture while students sleep. I throw roadblocks in front of the rookie but am won over by movie's end & will give a half smile/nod approvingly while applauding his award.
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That half nod will mean everything to me. Even more so than the hot blonde teacher in our school who I am currently dating, who was too good for everyone else but I humanized and won over with my transformation into a master teacher in 4 months.
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Hello, I’m the fish-out-of-water NYC HS teacher dealing with a gang that’s 1/4 Italian, 1/4 Puerto Rican, 1/4 Black, and 1/4 Jewish. Through my perseverance I win them over and transform them (montage) into a championship debate (chess, math) team. They all get into top colleges.
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Hello, I'm the bright but delinquent gang leader who gives the new teacher hell because I don't trust anyone and am only fulfilled by causing others pain because I can't face my own. Somehow I still come into school every day and get into Harvard on a full ride scholarship.
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Hello. I'm a homespun hunk in a festive rom-com. My designer stuble, bereavement backstory & aptitude for manual labour attracts the sassy uptight fish-out-of-water cityslicker stuck here in error. I melt her heart with chunky knitwear & a cosy family Christmas.
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I’d like to speak to you about optioning this script. Please contact me immediately literallyeverymovie@Hallmark.com
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Don’t forget... he makes wooden furniture.
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Also probably adorable rustic wooden toys he gives anonymously to the local orphanage.
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Hey buddy, I’m the cab driver in this movie. I’m perfectly willing to ignore traffic laws if you tell me to “step on it”, and I won’t be the least bit suspicious when you tell me to follow another car. I also stopped carrying change long ago, because no one ever wants any.
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I am a therapist in a movie. Since you have just cogently explained your entire life to me in one sentence, I have an equally concise answer for you that will solve everything. It's as beautiful as the decor in my fancy office, which boasts shelves full of leather-bound books.
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All your problems are solved in that one “breakthrough” session, which lasts as long as it takes instead of 50 minutes because I care so much and you never have to write me a check at the end because Lauren my receptionist will bill you.
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Hello, I'm a bath in a short film, or possibly a first feature. At some point soon the main character is gonna lie in me with his eyes open underwater
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You're always, always, a free-standing high capacity clawfoot tub. All the tiles and grout around you are impeccable. Your faucet puts out slightly milky water, though.
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Hi I am a 55 year old woman who looks like a 55 year old woman. I don't exist in movies.
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Hi, I am 55 year old man in a movie. I am currently in a romantic liaison with your granddaughter.
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