If you’re a white person, it’s likely (not always the case) that you have an outspoken bigot in your family. Doesn’t have to be a racist uncle who drops racial epithets to qualify. And maybe you learned at a young age how other family members behave around this person.
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Here’s what you likely saw: your less outspoken family members may or may not be inwardly repulsed by this family member’s views, but the key observation is that they keep their own views inward. Their main priority is simply "not making a scene."
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Maybe you witnessed your family members attempt to laugh it off. It was very likely an uncomfortable laugh because of fear upsetting the intrafamily status quo and losing status. Maybe other family members were just like “I try not to discuss politics. Ruins the mood.”
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A culture of overly emphasizing civility over forcefully challenging political views that have pivotal implications for human rights begins at home. White people who don’t challenge their bigoted family members so they “don’t make a scene” is where it really begins.
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The reality is that the resistance work that movements like BLM do is now exponentially more dangerous since Trump took office. White bigots in our families voted for it. If you’re prioritizing “not making a scene”, that has dire consequences for vulnerable people.
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There are bigots not only committed to doing what you thought was unthinkable, they are doing it right now. Separating immigrant families at the border and throwing immigrant children into detention facilities is no longer what you thought was unthinkable. It is the reality.
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Bigots with power are counting on you to “not make a scene.” They are counting on us to overly emphasize civility. Because once you approach their willingness to violate the rights of minorities and immigrants as a mere difference of opinion, they know they’ve won.
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When human rights are on the line, this cannot be answered with civility. Only a forceful confrontation prepared to make bigots with power uncomfortable in their space is the way forward. This is true for bigots in your family and true for bigots in elected office.
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Commentators who are more excised over “Fuck Trump!” than they are towards this administration’s heinous policies and undermining of our institutions are replicating the white familial behavior of prioritizing “not making a scene.” It’s designed to disarm resistance.
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Well, it’s time to make a scene. Bigots want us overly focused on civility so they feel empowered to do the unthinkable. So fuck Trump, fuck his administration, fuck his agenda, fuck his corruption, fuck any elected Republican who helps him, and fucking vote them out.
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