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  1. Jul 7

    I want one of those little vials of cocaine except filled with parmesan cheese.

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  2. Jun 23

    I just watched the Big Little Lies season 2 finale and spoiler alert they just throw Meryl Streep down the same flight of stairs!

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  3. Retweeted
    Jun 14

    i have hung out w/ this boy & i can tell you he is wayyy out of control... he shot blanks at people walking there dogs from his car, called me da M-word (m*ngoloid) multiple times & threatened to have a waitress jailed if she did not let him do coke off her feet

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  4. Retweeted
    May 12

    Happy Mother's Day!

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  5. Apr 27

    Going to open a restaurant where it’s just a bunch of people standing over kitchen sinks going to town on rotisserie chickens.

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  6. Apr 12

    Rollercoasters? That go upside down?? Sorry, but those are NOT safe. RT if you agree.

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  7. Retweeted

    HOWAR IS YOU ARE FIND ME

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  8. Retweeted
    Apr 5
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  9. Retweeted
    Mar 24

    Everyone is talking about Robert Mueller, so I have no choice but to believe that today is his birthday

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  10. Mar 24

    Me: Hozier: TAKE ME TO CHURCH

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  11. 27 Dec 2018

    Got an awesome new game for my Sweetch!

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  12. Retweeted
    22 Dec 2018

    A political cartoon by Tom Scharpling, entitled "Shut Down/Shut Up" Please RT and share with as many people as possible!

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  13. Retweeted
    28 Oct 2018

    The only thing that could make me like the NFL would be a player pretending he was hosting a podcast as his touchdown celebration

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  14. Retweeted
    25 Sep 2018

    Awesome: They’re Releasing A Version Of ‘The Graduate’ With An Arrow Pointing To Dustin Hoffman At All Times

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  15. 17 Sep 2018

    Me Sunday night Me Monday morning

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  16. Retweeted

    “But how are we going to pay for the Space Force?” Oh wait sorry - we only ask that when it comes to healthcare, education, and saving the planet.

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  17. 27 Jul 2018
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  18. Retweeted

    Resistance Win! This Artist Was Going To Draw Trump And Putin Kissing, But Was Worried That Seemed Homophobic, So He Had Them Kiss While Thinking About Pamela Anderson

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  19. Retweeted

    It is Known now that paid $10,000 to appear in the Fantastic Four movie. With "Ant-Man Vs The Wasp", , who is now broke from a lawsuit after a mass murder, claimed he was in the movie. Well he is not. It was simply an extra who resembled him slightly.

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  20. 24 May 2018

    I’ve reached the age where I receive more ‘Happy Birthday’ messages from corporate spam emails than real people.

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