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_cingraham's profile
Christopher Ingraham
Christopher Ingraham
Christopher Ingraham
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@_cingraham

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Christopher IngrahamVerified account

@_cingraham

Executive VP of Cool Charts, The Why Axis. Ex-WaPo, Brookings, Pew. The guy who let all the crickets out. Author of If You Lived Here You'd Be Home By Now.

Minnesota
thewhyaxis.substack.com/about?utm_sour…
Joined January 2012

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    Christopher Ingraham‏Verified account @_cingraham 28 Dec 2018

    So, a shipment of crickets for the lizard arrived via FedEx today. It was my first time ordering bulk crickets off the internet, and I naively assumed that they would be in like, a bag or some other contraption to facilitate easy transfer to another container. They were not.

    5:49 PM - 28 Dec 2018
    • 47,332 Retweets
    • 162,149 Likes
    • Amanda Weinstein laura Edna agnes losonczi Andrew Carter 𝕄𝕠𝕥𝕙 // 12 🍰 Bloop Mr. Wick 🐝BleedsOrange&Blue Rongeur
    4,652 replies 47,332 retweets 162,149 likes
      1. New conversation
      2. Christopher Ingraham‏Verified account @_cingraham 28 Dec 2018

        They were in a cardboard box. And I cut the tape and opened the box and SURPRISE! Crickets everywhere. It was the middle of the workday and I didn't have time to deal with cricket logistics, so I put the tape back on the box.

        99 replies 833 retweets 18,074 likes
        Show this thread
      3. Christopher Ingraham‏Verified account @_cingraham 28 Dec 2018

        And then I put the box in the upstairs bathroom, the only semi-contained place in the house where I knew the kids and the cats and the dogs wouldn't be able to get at the box and tear it open and unleash 250 hungry crickets into our warm, semi-humid environment.

        20 replies 565 retweets 13,143 likes
        Show this thread
      4. Christopher Ingraham‏Verified account @_cingraham 28 Dec 2018

        About 20 minutes later I'm back at work on my computer, and I hear my wife in the kitchen: "where are these goddamn crickets coming from." I freely admit I had not kept her fully up-to-date on my cricket purchasing plans.

        56 replies 945 retweets 22,428 likes
        Show this thread
      5. Christopher Ingraham‏Verified account @_cingraham 28 Dec 2018

        And at first I was like "okay, maybe one or two got out when I initially opened the box. No biggie." I kept working.

        14 replies 486 retweets 12,508 likes
        Show this thread
      6. Christopher Ingraham‏Verified account @_cingraham 28 Dec 2018

        With the benefit of hindsight, this was a mistake.

        43 replies 643 retweets 16,789 likes
        Show this thread
      7. Christopher Ingraham‏Verified account @_cingraham 28 Dec 2018

        I'm trying to wrap up a story but I keep hearing cricket-related exclamations coming from the kitchen. Eventually I get up to investigate. I say, "So uh the crickets got here toda--" "I REALIZE THAT," she says. "WHY ARE THEY ALL OVER THE KITCHEN"

        16 replies 577 retweets 14,643 likes
        Show this thread
      8. Christopher Ingraham‏Verified account @_cingraham 28 Dec 2018

        I say "That's a good question. Let me check something." I walk over to the bathroom. I open the door. There are crickets. Everywhere.

        13 replies 524 retweets 13,083 likes
        Show this thread
      9. Christopher Ingraham‏Verified account @_cingraham 28 Dec 2018

        Crickets on the floor. Crickets on the walls. Crickets in the sink. Crickets in the toilet.

        49 replies 618 retweets 13,575 likes
        Show this thread
      10. Christopher Ingraham‏Verified account @_cingraham 28 Dec 2018

        For some reason my first instinct is to flush the toilet, as if that will do anything to solve the problem of crickets in all the other places that were not the toilet. I shut the door. "Uh, don't come in here!" I try to sound cheerful.

        37 replies 561 retweets 16,438 likes
        Show this thread
      11. Christopher Ingraham‏Verified account @_cingraham 28 Dec 2018

        Apparently I had not sealed the box shut as well as I should have. I ended up rushing out to the shed, in the 18" of snow and below zero temperatures, to pick up a spare aquarium we had. I spent about 45 minutes collecting crickets from the bathroom.

        30 replies 494 retweets 12,711 likes
        Show this thread
      12. Christopher Ingraham‏Verified account @_cingraham 28 Dec 2018

        Of course by this point many had migrated elsewhere. They were in the closet. In the shoes. Making their way downstairs to the playroom. The cats were having what I can only imagine was the greatest day of their lives.

        156 replies 1,589 retweets 43,803 likes
        Show this thread
      13. Christopher Ingraham‏Verified account @_cingraham 28 Dec 2018

        I tried to collect all of them. It was like the world's shittiest game of Pokemon. But here we are, roughly 10 hours after the initial catastrophe, and stray crickets are still turning up in odd places.

        105 replies 1,226 retweets 31,370 likes
        Show this thread
      14. Christopher Ingraham‏Verified account @_cingraham 28 Dec 2018

        I make this information public because if I do not send any tweets tomorrow, it is because my wife murdered me after finding a cricket in our bed in the middle of the night. And that's the news from Red Lake Falls.

        1,924 replies 2,851 retweets 65,181 likes
        Show this thread
      15. Christopher Ingraham‏Verified account @_cingraham 29 Dec 2018

        Good afternoon everyone.

        44 replies 93 retweets 5,114 likes
        Show this thread
      16. Christopher Ingraham‏Verified account @_cingraham 29 Dec 2018

        I'm pleased to report that I'm still alive, and that my marriage is still intact! You all had so much fun with this that my editor made me turn it into a story, which I present to you here, as a sort of director's cut of this thread.https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/2018/12/29/i-ordered-box-crickets-internet-it-went-about-well-youd-expect/?utm_term=.4c80a9ebf63b …

        234 replies 2,161 retweets 15,745 likes
        Show this thread
      17. Christopher Ingraham‏Verified account @_cingraham 29 Dec 2018

        To all you monsters who demanded photos of the infestation: believe it or not, while a horde of crickets was marauding through my house I did not think to whip out my phone and start snapping pics

        58 replies 245 retweets 9,158 likes
        Show this thread
      18. Christopher Ingraham‏Verified account @_cingraham 29 Dec 2018

        I mean, can you imagine? Wife: THERE'S A CRICKET IN MY PUMPKIN PIE Me: This is tremendous content, where's my phone

        76 replies 647 retweets 17,234 likes
        Show this thread
      19. Christopher Ingraham‏Verified account @_cingraham 29 Dec 2018

        But I'm glad you all enjoyed our suffering, we've been laughing our asses off at your responses all day which almost makes it all worth it. To my new followers, I look forward to disappointing you in 2019.

        458 replies 277 retweets 13,478 likes
        Show this thread
      20. Christopher Ingraham‏Verified account @_cingraham 17 Aug 2019

        Postscript: there’s been a cricket population boom in Red Lake Falls this year and the neighbors are all blaming me. I try to explain that the field crickets people keep finding are a completely different species than the house crickets that invaded my home, but to no avail

        14 replies 101 retweets 3,532 likes
        Show this thread
      21. Christopher Ingraham‏Verified account @_cingraham 17 Aug 2019

        Me: Hahaha you can’t *possibly* be mistaking gryllus pennsylvanicus for acheta domesticus, they’re as different as different can be! Neighbors: It was a mistake, letting you into our community

        76 replies 215 retweets 7,964 likes
        Show this thread
      22. End of conversation

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