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_cingraham's profile
Christopher Ingraham
Christopher Ingraham
Christopher Ingraham
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@_cingraham

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Christopher IngrahamVerified account

@_cingraham

Washington Post data reporter. Drugs, guns, data, hot dish. christopher.ingraham@washpost.com

Red Lake Falls, MN
washingtonpost.com/pb/christopher…
Joined January 2012

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    Christopher Ingraham‏Verified account @_cingraham 28 Dec 2018

    So, a shipment of crickets for the lizard arrived via FedEx today. It was my first time ordering bulk crickets off the internet, and I naively assumed that they would be in like, a bag or some other contraption to facilitate easy transfer to another container. They were not.

    5:49 pm - 28 Dec 2018
    • 49,937 Retweets
    • 163,333 Likes
    • يا حَبِبَتِي Felipe Sales Canedo ying ju Wren Dreolin mannn Chris LaLa Donna Davidson iinka
    4,701 replies . 49,937 retweets 163,333 likes
      1. New conversation
      2. Christopher Ingraham‏Verified account @_cingraham 28 Dec 2018

        They were in a cardboard box. And I cut the tape and opened the box and SURPRISE! Crickets everywhere. It was the middle of the workday and I didn't have time to deal with cricket logistics, so I put the tape back on the box.

        95 replies . 902 retweets 16,891 likes
        Show this thread
      3. Christopher Ingraham‏Verified account @_cingraham 28 Dec 2018

        And then I put the box in the upstairs bathroom, the only semi-contained place in the house where I knew the kids and the cats and the dogs wouldn't be able to get at the box and tear it open and unleash 250 hungry crickets into our warm, semi-humid environment.

        20 replies . 614 retweets 12,245 likes
        Show this thread
      4. Christopher Ingraham‏Verified account @_cingraham 28 Dec 2018

        About 20 minutes later I'm back at work on my computer, and I hear my wife in the kitchen: "where are these goddamn crickets coming from." I freely admit I had not kept her fully up-to-date on my cricket purchasing plans.

        60 replies . 971 retweets 20,750 likes
        Show this thread
      5. Christopher Ingraham‏Verified account @_cingraham 28 Dec 2018

        And at first I was like "okay, maybe one or two got out when I initially opened the box. No biggie." I kept working.

        16 replies . 525 retweets 11,629 likes
        Show this thread
      6. Christopher Ingraham‏Verified account @_cingraham 28 Dec 2018

        With the benefit of hindsight, this was a mistake.

        40 replies . 677 retweets 15,615 likes
        Show this thread
      7. Christopher Ingraham‏Verified account @_cingraham 28 Dec 2018

        I'm trying to wrap up a story but I keep hearing cricket-related exclamations coming from the kitchen. Eventually I get up to investigate. I say, "So uh the crickets got here toda--" "I REALIZE THAT," she says. "WHY ARE THEY ALL OVER THE KITCHEN"

        15 replies . 620 retweets 13,670 likes
        Show this thread
      8. Christopher Ingraham‏Verified account @_cingraham 28 Dec 2018

        I say "That's a good question. Let me check something." I walk over to the bathroom. I open the door. There are crickets. Everywhere.

        15 replies . 576 retweets 12,213 likes
        Show this thread
      9. Christopher Ingraham‏Verified account @_cingraham 28 Dec 2018

        Crickets on the floor. Crickets on the walls. Crickets in the sink. Crickets in the toilet.

        52 replies . 666 retweets 12,701 likes
        Show this thread
      10. Christopher Ingraham‏Verified account @_cingraham 28 Dec 2018

        For some reason my first instinct is to flush the toilet, as if that will do anything to solve the problem of crickets in all the other places that were not the toilet. I shut the door. "Uh, don't come in here!" I try to sound cheerful.

        38 replies . 616 retweets 15,291 likes
        Show this thread
      11. Christopher Ingraham‏Verified account @_cingraham 28 Dec 2018

        Apparently I had not sealed the box shut as well as I should have. I ended up rushing out to the shed, in the 18" of snow and below zero temperatures, to pick up a spare aquarium we had. I spent about 45 minutes collecting crickets from the bathroom.

        32 replies . 532 retweets 11,841 likes
        Show this thread
      12. Christopher Ingraham‏Verified account @_cingraham 28 Dec 2018

        Of course by this point many had migrated elsewhere. They were in the closet. In the shoes. Making their way downstairs to the playroom. The cats were having what I can only imagine was the greatest day of their lives.

        154 replies . 1,630 retweets 40,000 likes
        Show this thread
      13. Christopher Ingraham‏Verified account @_cingraham 28 Dec 2018

        I tried to collect all of them. It was like the world's shittiest game of Pokemon. But here we are, roughly 10 hours after the initial catastrophe, and stray crickets are still turning up in odd places.

        112 replies . 1,327 retweets 29,430 likes
        Show this thread
      14. Christopher Ingraham‏Verified account @_cingraham 28 Dec 2018

        I make this information public because if I do not send any tweets tomorrow, it is because my wife murdered me after finding a cricket in our bed in the middle of the night. And that's the news from Red Lake Falls.

        2,112 replies . 3,237 retweets 65,535 likes
        Show this thread
      15. Christopher Ingraham‏Verified account @_cingraham 29 Dec 2018

        Good afternoon everyone.

        45 replies . 81 retweets 3,549 likes
        Show this thread
      16. Christopher Ingraham‏Verified account @_cingraham 29 Dec 2018

        I'm pleased to report that I'm still alive, and that my marriage is still intact! You all had so much fun with this that my editor made me turn it into a story, which I present to you here, as a sort of director's cut of this thread.https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/2018/12/29/i-ordered-box-crickets-internet-it-went-about-well-youd-expect/?utm_term=.4c80a9ebf63b …

        233 replies . 2,071 retweets 12,627 likes
        Show this thread
      17. Christopher Ingraham‏Verified account @_cingraham 29 Dec 2018

        To all you monsters who demanded photos of the infestation: believe it or not, while a horde of crickets was marauding through my house I did not think to whip out my phone and start snapping pics

        47 replies . 193 retweets 6,227 likes
        Show this thread
      18. Christopher Ingraham‏Verified account @_cingraham 29 Dec 2018

        I mean, can you imagine? Wife: THERE'S A CRICKET IN MY PUMPKIN PIE Me: This is tremendous content, where's my phone

        72 replies . 512 retweets 11,703 likes
        Show this thread
      19. Christopher Ingraham‏Verified account @_cingraham 29 Dec 2018

        But I'm glad you all enjoyed our suffering, we've been laughing our asses off at your responses all day which almost makes it all worth it. To my new followers, I look forward to disappointing you in 2019.

        463 replies . 271 retweets 11,473 likes
        Show this thread
      20. End of conversation
      1. New conversation
      2. DontKnowMeSucka Ω‏ @DontKnowMeSucka 29 Dec 2018
        Replying to @_cingraham

        So same thing happened to me, except I opened the box to 2000 dead crickets and was totally bummed, only to find out the next morning that they hibernate.

        25 replies . 99 retweets 3,230 likes
      3. kimberly #BeKindToElephants #loveisloveislove‏ @kimijtoo 30 Dec 2018
        Replying to @DontKnowMeSucka @_cingraham

        But what happened?? Did they wake up and go everywhere???🦗🦗🦗🦗🦗

        1 reply . 1 retweet 21 likes
      4. DontKnowMeSucka Ω‏ @DontKnowMeSucka 30 Dec 2018
        Replying to @kimijtoo @_cingraham

        Yeah we woke to a cricket in our bedroom. Our bedroom is upstairs from where the cricket box was left. The whole box was for the most part empty.

        2 replies . 1 retweet 57 likes
      5. kimberly #BeKindToElephants #loveisloveislove‏ @kimijtoo 30 Dec 2018
        Replying to @DontKnowMeSucka @_cingraham

        ....and are you still married?? 😳

        1 reply . 0 retweets 27 likes
      6. DontKnowMeSucka Ω‏ @DontKnowMeSucka 30 Dec 2018
        Replying to @kimijtoo @_cingraham

        Still to be determined... No I'm joking, my wife was right beside me and was just a part of the problem as I. We laugh about it now ... On occasion we still find a cricket about a year later.

        0 replies . 0 retweets 69 likes
      7. End of conversation

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