WinDasH

I have been through a lot the last couple months, but ive had plenty of opportunities to let folks know that im still alive and around. So I had no excuse to do this. I'll learn to handle messages, emails, ims well with practice.

... And probably help those few friends understand why i havent talked to them, or replied to them in a long time. Sorry to all of those affected by this. And I'm sorry if I keep doing it still, but I genuenly want to stop doing it. It hurts and confuses folks and i hate that.

And I just want to get rid of this horrid habit. It will take time. It IS taking VERY long for me to change this. But today I felt specially dreadful because of this. I dont want to give details. Again, this is just a reminder for myself...

But these are absolutely NO EXCUSE for not spending a few seconds or minutes to reply and be POLITE to people who genuenly care about me, worry for me, or simply wanna know about my whereabouts, since I am literally DEAD everywhere.

2: I tend to do this after a day of work, or a genuenly busy day/week, and when i get online, and want to hang out with 1 speciffic friend, or feel like spending time by my own self to enjoy my own free time, I feel afraid to reply "not today".

Today I realised why I do this. why it happens. 1: I'm really awfully bad at lying. I can keep secrets, and Hide (like I always do) but I REALLY HATE not saying the truth. Even white lies. I'm bad at saying "I'm busy" when im really not.

In stead of spending 1 or 2 minutes, or even 10 seconds to type "hello" back, or give a reply or type ANY EXCUSE that "I'm Busy" and talk to them when i have time. I just let those messages rot. And it's not even their fault. they havent done anything wrong.

for long Ive developped a fear to spending many hours talking to a friend/friends when i feel like doing something else, or talking to someone else. To the point where I will let their "hello" lay there for hours, days, weeks. Months. Indefinately.

There are certain friends in my IMs who I rarely reply to or talk to. And its REALLY embarassing for me to say this and it makes me feel REALLY freaking Stupid but it is related to my last retweet.

Today I did something awful to a friend. And it is something I have been doing to a lot of friends and I just shouldnt be doing. I'm not typing this for pity or for comments. This is just a reminder to myself and my friends, since I never type here or show any signs of life.