I have a deep self disgust self hatred mind, mostly disconnected from regular awareness but sabotaging all experience from beneath.
It's very binary (connected/not connected) and overwhelming to the point of autonomic gagging! It is very effective at getting away from awareness (reminds me of depression and just wanting to be left alone).
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Stabilization is going to be intense!
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"Nasty little Buddhist"
Seeking via neuroscience and psychology informed dharma.