I'm absolutely a go with the flow hippy who is content with folk expressing themselves and interacting with each other in the way they want. Also, I love to listen, validate, be empathetic. But to conduct the orchestra you need more than that.
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So it's been fun getting taking up the reins of group flow and directing folk. I've gotten pretty good at within this team. So even though this arrangement is ending, I'm feeling like I've got an expanded tool box when it comes to ... whatever it is I should call this.
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I want to note I used to be historically the quite kid, even with my close friends. Using my voice has been one of my most impoverished facets. It's been in development for ~8 years, but the thing that's healed it the most is seeing my voice truly made a difference.
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A few observations for the energetically inclined: I had kriyas starting in my toes and hips along with emotional purification when I started meditating ~7-8 years ago. I would describe a kriya as a myoclonic jerk with connection to the emotional-energetic system.
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Within the past couple of years, a lot has come together for me in life and from an Insight perspective. I can't really chart a linear path, but the kriyas moved upward. [I had a brief period of funny wandering left arm during sitting practice, kept smacking myself.]
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Then sitting one day at SPUDS with my dharma peeps I had the floor. Suddenly it felt like I was punched in the neck and I had this massive kriya jerk my head on a pivot left. [SPUDS crew shoutout
@loremgibson :)@Noah_il_matto@arealjim@lotusofthebuck@TwistedAman et al.]2 replies 0 retweets 2 likesShow this thread -
And for months afterward I had this head tic. It would act up during sitting meditation most often. I recollect it would sometimes act up during meetings too.
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It's evolved over the course of being in a position to come into my own voice in relation to directing folk. During this time, the kriyas changed too.
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The kriyas became localized. I can identify 3 energetic points about the size of my finger that would spasm on the left side of my neck and below my chin.
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It took a long time to figure out what the sensations were. Initially they manifested as something closer to pain. (Had me checking webmd
.) Looking closer, they were highly localized spams.1 reply 0 retweets 0 likesShow this thread
A final speculation: I was told the left side corresponded to the masculine and the right the feminine. My dad didn't coach me on my emotions as my bro and I were basically left to our own devices. One of the main things I've had to learn was reining in folk and giving structure.
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