So what do you do when someone says they want help feeling better, but they really just want you to feel their negative emotions with them?
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Is the correct answer to actually just empathize and get angry/sad/bitter/depressed with them? Spend a few hours trying to improve their mood while they resist? Move on? Honestly don’t know
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Replying to @ConceptPointer
As a partner and friend I listen and validate. I don't have to feel what they are feeling or agree with them. I do show that I understand and create space for them to express and feel. No timelines, people heal themselves but grounded vibes and being heard can help it along.
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Replying to @_StevenFan @ConceptPointer
Clarification: even if I don't agree, I take their side, "I see why you would feel that way, it makes sense."
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Replying to @_StevenFan
That’s my basic strategy for helping people process their emotions and (hopefully) feel better. Harder than it sounds, but very effective! I think the issue I just experienced is that the other party thought that Understanding implies feeling the same things
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Replying to @ConceptPointer @_StevenFan
So, since I wasn’t feeling the same emotions, then I must not understand.
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Replying to @ConceptPointer
I think it's enough to know from previous experience what their pain is about. What it sounds like they wanted is for you to experience things in the same way, dissolving emotional boundaries, but also maybe attacking you for not fusing.
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Replying to @_StevenFan
That feels quite accurate. Perhaps I’m overly sensitive to the downsides of blending emotionally when those emotions are “bad”. When I resist it probably communicates “You shouldn’t be feeling this way”
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I think the important thing is not feeling compelled to feel. I don't feel safe to feel what I'm feeling if there's an expectation on it. I think requesting different behavior is fine, but it crosses a line to request someone feel differently.
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Replying to @_StevenFan
Absolutely. I can feel my emotions locking by just considering the Expectation to Feel
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"Nasty little Buddhist"
Seeking via neuroscience and psychology informed dharma.