Zane

If You See Something (a dog wearing a tie), Say Something ("hello handsome").

Little secret about me: my answer to the question “would you like a receipt” is based on absolutely nothing and changes all the time

I’m at Sephora and the makeup artist asked this woman if she was allergic to anything and she said “shrimp”

Maps used to say cool stuff like “Here Be Dragons.” Now they just say bullshit like “Portugal.”

Hear me out. If Batman is canonically about 32 then he was born in 1986. And if his parents were killed leaving a movie theater when he was ten years old, then there is a very real possibility that they were seeing Space Jam.

My daughter said "daddy we are not friends with Brooklyn because she said I dress weird" No questions asked now I got beef with a 4 y/o named Brooklyn and her father. I dont make the rules to this gang shit. I just play my role.

I’ve got just over 13 hours to lose 35 pounds and finish a novel

there is Goldeneye 64 at this family party and i got alcohol in the system. at least one of these kids going crying to mommy because the adult who claims he's never played before is spawn killing with dual klobbs.

once a year i think about how in highschool a girl made her instagram caption the juicy j lyric: "she eat your heart out like jeffrey dahmer" and a girl commented: "my uncle was murdered by dahmer…please delete this."