𝚘𝚕𝚍 𝚝𝚘𝚖 

@YuckyTom

proud mother to four robust conservative boys

New Jersey, USA
Vrijeme pridruživanja: travanj 2011.
Rođen/a 1985.

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  1. Prikvačeni tweet

    yes i am a white MALE yes i am raising four DURABLE conservative BOYS to become MEN no i don’t HUG them EVER my masculinity is THAT fragile yes i love ROCK n roll yes i live in a storage unit off route 22 i made some bad INVESTMENTS in a FAILED soft drink company

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  2. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    i’m Terry Cloth inventor of terrycloth towels and some ppl consider it the height of narcissism to name my invention after me verbatim but u don’t drive to work in a vroom vroom go-mobile u do it in a Ford right so peace sign middle finger haters i’m shining

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  3. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    6. stu 2019.

    fast and furious 10 better be called FasTen Your Seatbelt

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  4. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    years ago I overheard a woman on her phone say, “yeah well, I told Jim he should’ve been a plumber cuz he loves to bring up old shit” and I think about it a lot

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  5. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    2. tra 2019.

    I think police horses should get to carry their own guns, and guess what, I vote

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  6. if i were the democratic party i would simply not fuck everything up always

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    god I wish I was the person I believed I could be when I bought all this produce

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    5. velj 2018.

    date: what’s your dream job? me: designing food stats for RPGs date: umm ok… *sips water* me: [under breath] -2 thirst

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    ok a dame just walked in on some torpedo barneymugging his moll and i thought she might be a wet blanket but now she’s showing the chippy how to use her kisser on the hood’s peashooter and boy howdy if it don’t look like it’s hittin on all sixes - 1920s reporter narrating porn

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  10. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    5. velj

    My horoscope: you need to assert your own identity in your relationships Me (texting my girlfriends): hey queens how do we feel about me asserting my own identity?

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  11. i’m a pete bootyjudge is straight truther

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    5. velj

    timely reminder that Pete isn’t eating chicken wings in this photo. it’s a Cinnabon that he’s torn up into little pieces to hold in his paws and nibble on, like a rat would do

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    5. velj

    His palms are spaghetti Knees weak, arms spaghetti He’s a doll I made out of cooked spaghetti

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    Basically I have to decide between sending nudes to a drummer who will just reply “rad” or a lawyer who will be like “wow! This rocks. Thanks for taking the time to send this to me.”

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  15. breaking news: my favorite bar to take selfies has renovated their bathrooms and we’ve been left with subpar lighting this is a modern-day tragedy

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  16. me: eat the rich also me: hello yes front desk i’m sorry what’s ur name hi william yes it’s tom in room 3224 yes hi i was just wondering if u have better shampoo yes better shampoo william the one in my room doesn’t even have any moroccan argan oils can u send up some argan oils

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  17. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    7. lip 2018.

    him: *on one knee* me: you disrespectful piece of–

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  18. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    4. velj

    I want to be a porno actor that does not do sex stuff I’m just like getting cheated on or working the mall kiosk or the aunt watching tv in a nearby room

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  19. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    [down with the sickness guy] iowa ah ah ah

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  20. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    as an alpha male / popular jock i have never been “bitten” by a mosquito. yes i will allow them to pierce my flesh and sip some blood from my robust, capable veins but i’d never let another creature BITE me. get real.

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  21. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    4. velj

    me: in some cultures they eat the afterbirth her: I don't like the sound of that waiter: we don't have it anyway

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