My honesty always puts a damper on festivities
Husband: Oooh I love this tune!
Me: Who is this?
Friend: What? It’s Alice In Chains! How do you not know them?
Me: Well, I was abandoned in Egypt or married to a jihadi for most of the 90s so I missed a lot of things...
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My kids hate it
Daughter: So I can only invite 10 ppl to my birthday?
Me: I think that’s a good number. You should be thankful. When I was growing up, I never had a single birthday party. No cake. No presents. No Happy Birthday song...
Daughter: Ok! I’m sorry...10 is good.19 replies 31 retweets 621 likesShow this thread
Replying to @yancypart2
Epic. Your mom wins entirely! 
10:41 PM - 17 May 2019
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