D.N. Schmidt  

@Writepop

Science fiction author. Check out my short story collection The Doom Tapes at Amazon! Get a free novella at !

South Bend, IN
writepop.com/dnschmidt
Joined June 2009
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  1. Pinned Tweet
    Sep 15

    Enjoy fifteen science fiction short stories filled with adventure, aliens, robots, and monsters! Take your flying car to the drive-in because the show’s about to start!

    16 retweets 20 likes
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  2. 15 hours ago

    Went to see a cardiologist. He didn’t do a single card trick.

    3 retweets 8 likes
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  3. Retweeted
    18 Oct 2019

    Her: Are you married? Me: I do have a mife Her: Short for “my wife”? That's cute Me: Uh yeah *slips mouse wife back into pocket*

    1 reply 37 retweets 193 likes
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  4. Oct 18

    Tonight I’m going to go see some professional wrestlers in a big rap battle. It’s body slam poetry.

    2 likes
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  5. Oct 18

    Why are burial and cremation my only funeral options? What about trebuchet?

    7 replies 4 retweets 19 likes
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  6. Oct 17

    Business idea: A haunted house for dogs. (It's just a guy using the vacuum cleaner.)

    3 likes
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  7. Oct 17

    If I ever meet Tarantino, I'm going to tell him I love his pizza rolls.

    3 likes
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  8. Oct 16

    Me: Why do people watch sports? It's the same thing every time. Also me: Ooh, I can't wait for this new Batman reboot!

    4 likes
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  9. Oct 16

    Me: Hospitality is one of the most important virtues. Also Me: If you eat all my pizza I will kill you in the face.

    1 reply 2 likes
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  10. Oct 15

    My proudest accomplishments, watched over by Perry the Platypus.

    5 likes
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  11. Oct 15

    sudo apt-get install serotonin

    1 retweet 2 likes
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  12. Oct 15

    I want to be a stay at home mom, except male and with no kids and home is my bed.

    4 likes
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  13. Oct 13

    A horror movie about a Satanic cult but without Latin. All the chanting and spells are in Dutch. When the Devil finally shows up, he speaks Swedish.

    1 retweet 5 likes
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  14. Oct 13

    Vincent Price is trending. I wonder if he's still dead?

    1 reply 1 retweet 3 likes
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  15. Oct 13

    HR: can you explain this gap in your resume? Me: I wanted to see where a magician got the rabbit from so I climbed inside his hat and got trapped in rabbit world for a while. HR: huh, there’s a box on the form for that.

    3 likes
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  16. Oct 13

    Professor X: So what's your power? Me: Reverse nostalgia. I can hate things that haven't even happened yet. Professor X: So basically, you can see the future but -- Me: But it sucks, yeah.

    2 likes
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  17. Oct 13

    In high school, I was captain of the track team. (That's what we named the model railroad club.)

    1 reply 5 retweets 13 likes
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  18. Oct 12

    Salad's not so bad when you put an entire pound of bacon in it.

    1 retweet 3 likes
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  19. Oct 12

    Any pillow can be a throw pillow if you have the upper body strength.

    1 retweet 3 likes
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  20. Retweeted
    Oct 11

    The Doom Tapes And More Science Fiction Stories

    1 retweet 2 likes
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  21. Oct 11

    A dragon sleeping on a giant horde of anxieties.

    2 likes
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