Cheick's new Schmooveᴮᴸᴹ

Been talking with a friend about this and I have a horrendous self esteem issue. I've especially noticed it recently, apologizing to people in case something I said could've sounded mean, apologizing after hanging out, talking or venting because I feel like I'm burdening them,

getting surprised when my friends refer to me as their friend and someone they care about as opposed to a clingy stray, apologizing after people thank me, apologizing for absolutely nothing at all, apologizing for apologizing, it just goes on and on. I hold myself to such an--

--impossible standard and even when I somehow meet it I still berate and belittle myself. I doubt my friends when they tell me I care, I don't feel as if I deserve the love and care even though I want it, I see no good in anything I've ever done, it's hard wanting something--

--You've convinced yourself you'll never deserve and that'll never be given to you. Yes I want people to tell me they care and that they love me and that they're my friend and they want to chat and hang out, but truth be told I feel I don't deserve any of it. I'm going through--