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getting surprised when my friends refer to me as their friend and someone they care about as opposed to a clingy stray, apologizing after people thank me, apologizing for absolutely nothing at all, apologizing for apologizing, it just goes on and on. I hold myself to such an--
--impossible standard and even when I somehow meet it I still berate and belittle myself. I doubt my friends when they tell me I care, I don't feel as if I deserve the love and care even though I want it, I see no good in anything I've ever done, it's hard wanting something--
--You've convinced yourself you'll never deserve and that'll never be given to you. Yes I want people to tell me they care and that they love me and that they're my friend and they want to chat and hang out, but truth be told I feel I don't deserve any of it. I'm going through--
--a sort of training period, saying what I want to say without being influenced by this whatever that puts my self esteem in the negatives For as much as people care, constant apologies are just going to get annoying
Instead of sorry, I ought to be saying thank you.
No matter how many people call me a saint, or a legend or however many compliments a get, I always doubt my ability to help people. I can literally read the comments on my representation video and still say I've never done anything of value. I wish I could see me how others do.
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