Cheick's new Schmooveᴮᴸᴹ

real talk ok so tl;dr i had the worst meltdown i have ever had in probably a decade. yes, worse than the walking-along-a-highway incident. it got to the point that my parents were trying to break down my door and i had to be tranquilized with xanax.

i just suddenly snapped into a rampage. i barely remember anything. i cannot recall ever experiencing becoming unable to take control of my mind to that extent. i locked my door in the first place because i was legitimately horrified i was capable of actually hurting them.

i think i’ve been pushing myself way too hard. i went from 0 to 100. i’ve gone from years of no socialization to trying to participate in daily group calls like a normal friend. i’ve been working tirelessly on getting youtube started & stressing over how i’ll get it to take off.

and i’m now i have my first actual job in being a mod for a super cool musician’s server and i am taking it extremely seriously and working to prove myself as an excellent mod. i am extremely proud & happy with everything, don’t get me wrong! it’ll just take time to get used to—

—actually working on serious things!! i need to be extra careful of my workload it is easy to forget that i have a serious medical condition (bpd) SO i am gonna not do friend chats for awhile since that’s the most draining thing for me, even tho i’m so happy to be accepted

nothing is making me happier than being in an actual friend group which SUCKS that i have to take it out of the equation temporarily, but i have no choice modding is not an issue whatsoever. youtube is my main source of anxiety since i’m putting all my heart and soul into it.