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We Want Plates 
@WeWantPlates
The global crusade against serving food on bits of wood and roof slates, chips in mugs and jam-jar drinks. Buy the book: amzn.to/2yVLIdT
wewantplates.comJoined March 2015
We Want Plates 🍽’s Tweets
“Hi, we asked for the bill.”
“We brought it.”
“Where is it?”
“It’s under the raspberries.”
“Under the raspberries is a rock.”
“The bill is under the rock.”
[blinks]
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Just caught a TV chef serve gravy out of a pipe.
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Roses are red,
Grey is for slates,
They’ve got no raised edge,
Unlike wonderful plates.
❤️🍽
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See this? See what's missing..?
Shame I didn't bring my fucking oven gloves with me.
And if they bring my overpriced cake out on a sodding roof tile...I'll lose it.
#ForkHandles
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"Excellent idea to dim the lighting so customers can't see how small our portions are, chef."
"GODDAMMIT JUSTIN, TABLE SIX HAVE BROUGHT THEIR OWN MINIATURE DESK LAMP."
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Not since the one-eyed taco Chihuahua have we been so torn as to whether a serving method should be mandatory or banned.
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"Here's your pork, sir."
"Where?"
"In the trough."
"What?"
"The trough."
"Eh?"
"On the chute."
"Eh?"
"In the grass."
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“I’ll have the asparagus tempura, please.”
*BEEP*
*BEEP*
*BEEP*
*BEEP*
“What’s that noise?”
*BEEP*
*BEEP*
*BEEP*
*BEEP*
“Oh, that’s the mini forklift truck preparing your mini pallet and mini shopping trolley.”
*BEEP*
*BEEP*
*BEEP*
*BEEP*
*BEEP*
*BEEP*
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I thought this was a joke, but it's real.
"The first course was the most controversial of the meal and not because of the spoonable duck brain served in a duck bill."
The restaurant Noma in Copenhagen has a seasonal menu that will put you off eating for the next decade.
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Dica: Essa “experiência gastronômica” você pode fazer em casa.
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[waiter emerges from kitchen amid a cloud of smoke, flames licking his heels, tips of his waxed moustache on fire]
“Your dessert, sir.”
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When you complain about your main course not being served on a plate and dessert arrives on a slate covered in the chef’s special sauce. 💦
(Pic: Marie L)
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“Your amuse-bouche. Sign here.”
“Is that a real cactus?”
“It is a real cactus. Sign here.”
“A real cactus.”
“Sign the disclaimer form, sir.”
(Pic: Tom Staroscinski)
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There are only 6,000 plates left in the wild after hipsters introduced slates to these shores in 2014. In 2022 we need your support more than ever. #HappyNewYear
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If only someone would invent some sort of cup-like vessel for drinking coffee out of, it could become really popular.
(Pic: @EliotLandrum)
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If only someone would invent a kind of skewer device for eating corn on the cob.
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If only someone would invent a round, ceramic vessel with a lip to prevent custard spillage.
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There are only 6,000 plates left in the wild after hipsters introduced slates to these shores in 2014. In 2022 we need your support more than ever. #HappyNewYear
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here’s my issue. why are fancy burgers so tall. what do you expect me to do with that? unlock my jaw like a serpent? no. i can’t accommodate that. a good burger should have a wider circumference, not more height. think about a frisbee. or a vinyl. that’s ambition, that’s progress
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“All burgers are served on wooden boards so please request a plate if you would prefer one.”
If all burgers were served on plates, how many people would request a wooden board?
WE’LL GIVE YOU A CLUE: NONE.
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"Waiter, there's a Christmas tree in my food!"
"Keep your voice down, everyone will want one."
#MerryChristmas
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Peas in plant pots
Peas in tea cups
Peas in colanders
Peas in sea shells
Peas in latte glasses
All we are saying is
GIVE PEAS A CHANCE ✌️
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Please be careful if you’re going to the pub today.
- Stay alert
- Control the virus
- Don’t eat stuff served in beer glasses
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“Chef, we had a complaint about the sweet & sour chicken noodles. It’s...”
“Too sweet?”
“the...”
“Too sour?”
“glass.”
(Pic: Eleanor Briggs)
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“Our environmentally-friendly tempura is made with
sustainable seafood and vegetables, harvested in ways that consider the long-term well-being of our precious land and oceans.”
“Wonderful! How’s it served?”
“On a large polystyrene block.”
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“It’s a femur.”
“You sure, chef?”
“It’s a femur.”
“But it looks like a...”
“FEMUR.”
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Nuts used as emergency cheese dam during slate-based baked Camembert catastrophe.
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When asking for your meal to be served on a plate, please be specific. Hipster restaurateurs are cunning creatures.
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“Sorry, I didn’t order coffee.”
“But you did order porridge.”
“Yes, but this is a...”
“Enjoy your porridge.”
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