if my all-things-considered preferences are the aggregate of everyone's all-things considered preferences,
"having kids is a gratifying experience" selfish, "i want my kids to prosper after my death" non-selfish, but
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here "selfish" and "non-selfish" aren't meant as condemnation/praise or as a claim of negative sumness or so on
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just as "self-regarding" and "other-regarding". which are concepts a pref utilitarian would have to flesh out
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