Cory Cousins

@VanHammersly42

Musician, Nurse, Comedy, Good Food, Good Beer, Jokes for The Hard Times.

Joined July 2012
46 Photos and videos Photos and videos

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  1. Retweeted
    Jul 13

    Kentucky: It’s Time to Ignore How Fucking Sexy He Is and Vote McConnell Out

    6 replies 103 retweets 622 likes
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  2. Retweeted
    Jul 12

    “As much as I loved my dog, that’s how much I hate these sheep. I hope they have nightmares for generations. WHY AM I IN THIS BUSINESS.”

    When one of his favorite sheep dogs passed away, British farmer Dave Isaac decided to memorialize his beloved friend by converting his car into a giant sheep dog ()
    41 replies 755 retweets 7,536 likes
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  3. Retweeted
    Jul 10

    Our great pal Steve Ferrone (drummer and man with a huge heart) is being honoured TODAY with a star on the Brighton Music Walk of Fame. He should have a star for each of his tap-dancing feet! Congratulations Steve!

    11 replies 118 retweets 1,180 likes
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  4. Jul 11

    What's Criss Angel Mindfreak up to these days?

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  5. Jul 4

    At a park for a fireworks show. Bad Foo Fighters cover band is playing before the show. Never thought I’d want to see the actual Foo Fighters...but here we are.

    1 reply 1 like
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  6. Jul 1

    Just accepted an offer to open for Nebula and Sasquatch at the end of August. Two Stoner Rock powerhouses. This is one of those gigs I get really excited about 😎🤘

    3 likes
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  7. Retweeted
    Jun 30

    Happy Canada Day!

    27 replies 88 retweets 670 likes
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  8. Retweeted
    Jul 1

    This just broke: a secret Facebook group of 9,500 CBP officers discussed making a GoFundMe for officers to harm myself & Rep. Escobar during our visit to CBP facilities & mocked migrant deaths. This isn’t about “a few bad eggs.” This is a violent culture.

    10,143 replies 65,052 retweets 134,560 likes
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  9. Retweeted
    Jun 25

    I got day drunk at the recliner movie theater with my folks and now I hope I don’t fall off the second story of Top Golf. Hi I’m from the suburbs and this is my version of Basketball Diaries.

    25 replies 176 retweets 2,633 likes
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  10. Retweeted
    Jun 25

    Old Man's Son Also Old Man

    41 replies 455 retweets 5,338 likes
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  11. Jun 25

    Last night after baking a pan of chicken at 450 degrees, I grabbed the handle with my bare hand and immediately thought to myself, “Gee, that’s hot.”

    1 like
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  12. Jun 23

    My comedic take on measurements and dimensions inside small cars. Buckle up, cuz it’s a doozy.

    Band Pretty Sure Full Stacks Will Fit in Toyota Yaris
    1 retweet 8 likes
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  13. Jun 21

    At work, they’re showing us a video about saying sorry to patients in order to convey empathy. There’s something wrong with the audio and it’s making the woman explaining it sound like a demon. Making me laugh before I hit the shit storm.

    1 like
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  14. Jun 16

    Happy Father’s Day to my main man, God.

    1 reply
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  15. Jun 15

    I have a Masters degree but still no British accent. What gives?

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  16. Jun 14

    Seeing one of my all-time favorites tonight with my special lady.

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  17. Jun 14

    Bought myself a new weed trimmer for Father’s Day. It’s so fuckin rad! Complete with speed feed head for easy string replacement and long drive shaft so I don’t hurt my back. And everyone said being in my thirties would suck! Joke’s on them!

    2 replies 5 likes
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  18. Jun 13

    My latest scoop for ! If you see a Pop Punk frontman, it is your civic duty to report him to the cops.

    Pop-Punk Vocalist Scours Teen Girlfriend’s Diary For Lyric Ideas
    9 likes
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  19. Jun 9

    I treat a lot of inmates in my new job. I’m always struck by how they seem pleasantly surprised when I don’t treat them like an animal, but with kindness and respect. Then they return the favor. Crazy how that works.

    2 likes
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