[Food, ED, boundaries]
Personally I have, at times, literally hidden safe-for-me shelf stable snacks in an old Tampon box so that family members would not eat safe-for-me food, promise to replace it, and then come home with another flavor full of allergens. 
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[Food, ED, boundary violations] I uh had a lot of therapy sessions to strategize and after *a lot* of uncomfortable boundary setting conversations, family members have internalized "ask for consent *before* eating Liz's food" about 85% of the time. Which...is an improvement.
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[Food, ED, boundary violations] Did a family member help themselves to some of my frozen homemade chocolate chip cookies specially made with like the one kind of chocolate I can safely eat? Yes Did that family member later make a new batch of those cookies for me? Also yes
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[Food, boundary violations, ED] It's honestly so hard to set these boundaries when you're financially dependent on someone because disability Because don't they help you buy groceries? Isn't it technically their fridge? So why won't you ~share~ your food
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[Food, boundary violations, ED] And like, sometimes they do share their food with me or make me dinner and leave out all the stuff I can't eat So shouldn't I be grateful and ~share~ my food And like, I do, sometimes. Just. I like being *asked* and for it to be ok to refuse
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[Food, boundary violations, ED] Because if you ask my consent before eating my food, but I can't actually say no, then you didn't actually ask a question, and I didn't actually consent
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[Food, boundary violations, ED] I had a good talk with my mom about this recently, because we have opposite dietary needs wrt salt, and I was basically like "sometimes I will make food to share, but also sometimes I'm going to make stuff with salt instead of adding it later"
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[Food, boundary violations, ED] I don't want anyone to like, worry about me, because I am okay and boundaries are now being respected and family and I have developed ways to talk about this Although NGL for awhile there it was bad (see: hiding food in tampon boxes)
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[Food, boundary violations, ED] The other thing that helped, besides a lot of uncomfortable conversations about boundaries, is that I know the kinds of food my family member with uh maybe an undiagnosed ED has trouble being around, and I keep it in my space
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[Food, boundary violations, ED] Like for example, if I make nachos and leave my tortilla chips in the kitchen because it's hard to carry everything downstairs, those tortilla chips will never be there when I get back So I just know which foods that applies to
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[Food, boundary violations, ED] Sometimes a bag of tortilla chips is open for awhile and it enters "my mast cells will be angry if I eat this" territory and so I just leave them in the kitchen like an offering to an inconsiderate deity
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[Food, boundary violations, ED] It's just hard when these questions come up on Reddit and the answer is always "leave them!!" and like uh I am too disabled to just leave
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[Food, boundary violations, ED] Also for the sake of full disclosure, this was the kind of behavior that shaped my eating patterns growing up, so I definitely myself ate some of theyfriend's Special Food before we had some srs conversations about food and boundaries
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[Food, boundary violations, ED] If anyone is in a similar boat and needs strategies for setting boundaries around food, it basically involved telling ppl "I'm happy to share food sometimes but you have to ask me first and it has to be okay for me to say no"...
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[Food, boundary violations, ED] And then if someone tried to take my food without asking, repeating the boundary (and also sometimes blocking them physically from the food) until they asked, and holding the boundary despite their FEELS about how I was being rude or whatever
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[Food, boundary violations, ED] Also, worst case scenario: hiding food in Tampon boxes is effective Although I couldn't really do the hiding food thing long term because uh trying to eat food secretly is a disordered eating thing for me
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