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  1. 3 Mar 2016
  2. 24 Sep 2015

    sometimes I spray febreze on myself to freshen up

  3. 15 Sep 2015

    Girl at the post office just tried to ship something in an HEB bag

  4. 2 Aug 2015

    Apple Music suggesting the “meatiest” country anthems for me

  5. Retweeted
    21 Apr 2015

    > Unsubscribe from LinkedIn > Delete email account > Sell house, live in woods > Find bottle in river > Has note inside > It's from LinkedIn

  6. 17 Jul 2015
  7. 15 Jun 2015

    Walked around all day with melted chocolate in my crotch. There are no words -_-

  8. 5 Jun 2015

    American Horror Story: All About That Bass

  9. 29 May 2015

    i email tech support when my password doesn’t work

  10. 21 Mar 2015
  11. 12 Mar 2015
  12. 9 Mar 2015

    oh thank god it doesn’t have beryllium in it

  13. 22 Jan 2015

    Took an Uber to class today LOL

  14. Retweeted
    28 Dec 2014

    Look, you can pinpoint almost exactly when their social media strategy changed:

  15. 29 Dec 2014

    takin you somewhere real fancy tonight

  16. 24 Dec 2014
  17. 17 Dec 2014

    you would think deleting your linkedin account would stop the endless emails, but you’d be wrong

  18. 8 Dec 2014
  19. 4 Dec 2014

    “Crowd funded the logo” -scrub

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