Tucker MaxOvjeren akaunt

Lesson I've Learned: In every field I've learned deeply, I realize 90%+ of people are clueless. They imitate, mimic & play act with no idea what's really going on. I didn't believe it until I had the same experience in 3 unrelated fields (h/t @nntaleb) (exception: MMA)

Lesson I've Learned: If someone wronged me, I forgive them. This is for me, to let go of the hurt I'm choosing to carry. But after I forgive, I put up appropriate boundaries, to ensure the same thing doesn't happen again. Forgiveness is always paired with boundaries.

Instead, I now focus on myself and my work. The way I help others is by sharing my experiences and pointing the way as best I can, to maybe help others find their this in themselves. I can only do my work and share my experiences. The rest is up to others. 3/3

I now see that most people in stagnant and unhealthy lives chose those lives. I can't change them (nor should I). Change requires belief it can happen, plus willingness to take action in the face of pain. People must find this in themselves. 2/3

Lesson I've Learned: I used to try to save people. To convince them they could succeed. To inspire them to take action in their lives. I thought I was doing it to help them, but I was fooling myself. It was selfish (and arrogant). I doing this to avoid my own issues. 1/3

Lesson I've Learned: Everything most people do is to avoid feelings they don't want to feel. Drugs, alcohol, gambling, of course. But sex, success, prestige, status...all of it. That used to be my whole life too--an endless race to avoid feelings I didn't want to feel.

Lesson I've Learned: When I'm in emotional pain, I'm usually resisting a realization or feeling. The pain is my body pushing the realization/feeling through my resistance. For me, emotional pain is a signal to stop fighting and start listening to my body. (H/t every therapist)

Lesson I've Learned: I (try to) ignore the trophy. Instead, I pay attention to the target. This is because when I pay attention to the target, I hit it, and get the trophy. But when I pay attention to the trophy, I miss the target, and get nothing. (h/t Zen Buddhism, lol)

Lesson I've Learned: The most important decision in my life is who I spend my time with. The most important actions I take are what I do to make sure I create value for them (my work, both personal and professional). Everything else is noise.

Lesson I've Learned: When I encounter someone with a deep need to control or dominate others, I know this: they felt powerless at some point, it wounded them, and this is their solution. Rarely is the connection conscious to them (this was true for me too).

Lesson I've Learned: If I see a trauma as there to help me grow, then it does. If I see a trauma as a wound, that's what it becomes. My relationship to my trauma is a story. I can choose the wound story or another story. It's up to me. (h/t @realjtmccormick)

Lesson I've Learned: I used to think I didn't have negative self talk. I was wrong. I had an immense amount...I just called it "being honest with myself" or "doing a great job." I wasn't. I was hurting myself with my thoughts.

Lesson I've Learned: The actual point of "news" media is not to inform, but to make a claim about status. "News" argues—explicitly or implicitly—that a person or thing should be higher or lower status. When I learned that, I saw through the "news" to the agenda behind it.

Lesson I've Learned When I try hard to push someone to do something I've done, I know one thing: I'm insecure about my decision to do that thing. The harder I push, the more insecure I am. I'm pushing to validate my decision & I don't realize my insecurity. ht @PhilipMcKernan

Lesson I've Learned: There's little that inspires trust in a team like firing a disrespectful client. We have not fired many at Scribe, less than 10 out of 1500+, and every one hurt financially, but each brought us closer. It's a meaningful signal that people come first.

Lesson I've Learned: If you don't have an assistant, you are one. If you don't make much money, this is fine—good even. If you do make a lot of money, you are paying way too much for an assistant. (h/t @DanSullivanSC)

Lesson I've Learned: When I find myself hating someone who's done nothing to me at all, it's not about them. I'm hating some part of myself that I cannot bear to see or admit, so I push it off of and onto them. This is only true every...single...fucking...time.

Lesson I've Learned: I used to think forgiveness was excusing behavior that hurt me. That wasn't helpful. I now use forgiveness to correct my misperception that the other person harmed me. This helps me let go of pain I'm choosing to hold. Forgiveness is for me, not for them.