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  1. Prikvačeni tweet
    13. srp 2019.

    Every Sarah is descended from a single Trisarahtops dinosaur this is a secret Ancestry dot com doesn't want you to know I may have to delete this tweet

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  2. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    Absolutely no one: Guy who invented caucuses: you know what, paper ballots are super lame, why don’t we all head on down to the local middle school and shuffle around the gymnasium for a while til we sort this one out

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  3. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    1. srp 2019.

    Hope is a thing with feathers. And scales. A taloned nightmare come to drag you down to be feeder sheep for the Old Ones.

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  4. prije 3 sata

    Cannot shake the inevitable tick tocks of time as the hours toll on and on and on but I guess I should've thought of that before I moved into this grandfather clock

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  5. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 13 sati

    Friendly bowl of flour.

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  6. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 4 sata

    tweet all you want about Australia, but we’re a day ahead so we’ve already read it.

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  7. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    I only leave a place when the least is up and the most is down. I can get by on ruminating and boardinating anywhere so I may ride the tails of cariboose for awhile and just be migrateful for livin'.

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  8. prije 12 sati

    I took down my Christmas tree over the weekend, but only because company was coming.

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  9. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    [at the art museum] Me [covered head to toe in oil paint]: *crouches perfectly still and silent for hours* Guard: *glances at phone* Me: *lunges at painting, plunging my Bowie knife into the canvas* [later] Me [hanging crudely sewn-up painting in my den]: My God it's beautiful

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  10. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    31. srp 2019.

    As those of us in the US finally log off we pass the torch to Australia Twitter to watch over things as we sleep.

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  11. prije 22 sata

    "Nice poetry" you say as my hopes fall like the stars around us, "sweet symbolism" you say as we careen towards a fiery otherworld and honestly? you're not wrong.

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  12. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 23 sata

    BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG

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  13. prije 23 sata

    What I say when I'm asked if such a man was of much practical use in the ship, especially as he refused to work except when he pleased

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  14. prije 23 sata

    My mom & I have matching avocado-related scars, earned on consecutive days

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  15. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    3. velj
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  16. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    groundhog is regular hamster that works out and those magicians need to stop asking him what day it is, in my opinion

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  17. 3. velj

    Tried to dig a hole to Australia but accidentally created The Void instead

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  18. 3. velj

    Recently learned this is what the Australian Coat of Arms looks like.

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  19. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    20. sij 2019.

    When a football player points to the sky after a touchdown he's saying "That one's for you, international space station"

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  20. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    2. velj

    Sometimes if I'm bored I tell people I was a regular on that show Bones... even if they somehow find out I'm lying they don't really care

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  21. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    5. lis 2019.

    [Midas as a magician, everything he touches turns into rabbits]

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