Let's loop back to the beginning here. When you experience something negative valence (pain or any negative emotion), try to open up to it.
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When I say open up, I mean try to experience it fully, through all modalities. Feel it in the body, heed the associated thoughts...
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Let everything that feels negative be experienced. Don't interfere with it. Don't *try* to feel bad, though; just let it happen.
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If you can do this with a lot of clarity and concentration (practice, practice - depression actually helps!), equanimity typically ensues.
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I say "typically" because not all feelings can be tolerated, and that's fine. You can't fix every problem, but most problems can be mitigated.
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If you work on your ability to fully experience your negative feelings, you will notice that they tend to have a fixed beginning and end.
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Sometimes it's a solid block of sensation, sometimes it pulsates or throbs (like pain from a stab wound, if you've ever had that).
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Being able to tell these things apart is key to certain high-level meditative attainments, but it's also extremely useful when depressed.
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If you've trained this skill to a high enough level, you start to notice beginnings and ends even when depressed. This becomes a way out.
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Instead of this overwhelming, monolithic sense of hopelessness, pain, dread or whatever, you see that it's a spiralling pattern of feelings.
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You are not trapped in a state of depression; you are going through the process of being depressed. A process that can evolve.
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If you try to develop this understanding while you're depressed, however, you'll hardly see the point. It's just as oppressive as anything else.
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But if you work through it outside the context of your depression, you develop positive associations: it's liberating to feel pain fully.
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And when you know that feeling of liberation from memory, have a lifeline. If you can work through the bullshit, you know *how* it gets better.
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That's when you realize there may be a point to doing things, to bothering with what few minitiae of everyday life you have the energy for.
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Otherwise, you really shouldn't underestimate the more practical solutions. Depression is often *caused* by basic life issues.
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A lack of companionship or warmth in interactions with others, too much stress, not enough sleep, malnutrition etc.
They all matter a lot.
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But if you suffer from a low self-esteem, depression can really destroy your willingness. You don't feel like you deserve anything good.
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If you've tried exercises like this with no improvement, there's a good chance you need outside help - counseling or something else.
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People with self-esteem issues tend to refuse help; "I'm not worth it."
Fuck that. The people in your life don't deserve this BULLSHIT.
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So sink into that feeling of worthlessness. Feel it. Know it. Understand it. See that it isn't always there.
And then, get some real help.
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This has probably become a bit too disjointed to be fully digestible, coherent or useful. I wanted to finish for the sake of completeness, but...
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I think I'll go ahead and convert this into an article later. I couldn't quite keep the thread together, but I think I can fix that.
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