Unless you're depressed, unpleasant experiences are always less oppressive if you let yourself feel them fully.
But doing that takes practice.
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If you are depressed, don't bother trying to accept or feel your emotions more fully. You are already hypersensitized towards them.
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Accepting and working with your own emotions is no less important when you're depressed, of course, but it needs to be handled indirectly.
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Rough analogy: a sick person may also need to exercise to get better, but you generally don't prescribe high-intensity interval training.
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My guess is, one of the biggest comorbidities with depression is that many of us are always just one step ahead of our own self-loathing.
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The ego and its host of emotional self-repair mechanisms becomes dependent on a constant supply of positive feedback (from yourself or others).
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When that breaks down, people experience a soft version of ego death. Not only does everything feel like shit; you don't even feel like a person.
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While in many ways this is rarefied state of realization, you don't really want to experience it simultaneously with feeling like shit.
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In many ways, though, what you are now experiencing is a failure, but not one born of personal inadequacy or some such depressed notion.
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Rather, it is a lack of the training necessary to find a lack of (the sense of) self pleasant or liberating.
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When you're depressed, everything has negative valence. Even being happy becomes a chore. In a sense, though, it's like that all the time.
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That you don't notice it *all the time* has a lot to do with those egoic self-repair mechanisms I mentioned. You are constantly patching holes.
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Upset? Eat, exercise, watch a movie, masturbate, yell at someone (or whatever it is you do). Stress abate, but it always returns.
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This is not the *only* way to handle these sorts of issues, but it's the only way most of us have experience with.
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Depression takes all that away. Someone offers help? You're a burden. Masturbate? You're icky. Exercise? You don't even have the energy.
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I said there were other ways. There are of course several, but the one I know best is fine-tuning attentional skills, a.k.a. meditation.
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(Meditation isn't the *only* way to fine-tune attention, but that's a discussion for a different thread.)
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I say not to meditate while you are depressed, because in a very real sense what is happening is you're *already meditating*!
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But instead of being something you choose to do, it becomes a compulsion; an involuntary, often torturous experience.
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That inability to let go of noticing that knot in your stomach, that heaviness, that pervasive feeling of emptiness? That's concentration.
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(Brb, another 10-20 minutes of work before I have to let the software run again.)
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So we have concentration. Now, that feeling of oppressive weight, annoyances or *everything* hurting at once? That's clarity.
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Here comes the missing piece: there is no equanimity. What's happening does not feel OK. Not OK at all. Not fun, either. Just shit.
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This feeling of pervasive negativity, however, is actually distracting. We are in a state of deep clarity, but it doesn't go all the way.
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We are concentrating a bit too hard, and it's using A LOT of processing power. We can't clearly identify moments of arising or passing.
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In plain English, you have clear sensations of pain, discomfort, sadness etc., but you can't tell that those sensations are not continuous.
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If you could, you would notice that there is always something inside you that isn't terribly bothered by what's going on.
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"OK, smartass," I hear you say, "but how does that help?"
I'm not saying it helps you, now. But it definitely *can* help. Let me explain:
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If you set out to look for a central self that feels your feelings, you won't find it. Feelings are mostly discreet experiential entities.
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That said, feelings work by associativon in ways that can be hellishly messy. Joy triggers guilt triggers anxiety triggers anger, etc.
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When you're depressed, it's like every associative chain is eventually hijacked to include sadness, pain or other feelings of negative valence.
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Meanwhile, the positive associative chains, the kinds that take us from amusement to ease to contentment and so on, break down.
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There are all sorts of practical solutions you can use to break out, but there are also several attentional tricks you could use.
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