A great cutting of the bullshit.
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Starting to feel comfortable in my own skin in a way that I can't recall ever experiencing before.
Strange, but relaxing.
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One of the most consistent bullshit things I've believed is that I owed the world something. Not normal obligations, but a constant debt.
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That kind of confusion also makes you poor at taking responsibility for commitments you've *actually* made.
That's improved. A lot.
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What becomes clear when you've cut your recurring thoughts, desires and feelings apart enough, is that they all constitute a sort of volition.
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Not a choice, per se, but a willingness to uncritically buy into a certain kind of worldview.
With that gone, it *becomes* a choice.
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And so my leeriness of Mahayana is suddenly made clear to me: I've been on the ass end of a Bodhisattva complex all my life, involuntarily.
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Let me tell you: forcing this kind of doctrine on someone who isn't cognizant of the implications is straight up abuse. Vile, awful abuse.
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It's also a perversion of compassion, one that replaces our quite natural capacity for love and understanding with compulsion.
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Fuck Mahayana. Fuck churchy "enlightenment" traditions that substitute insight for guilt.
Fuck all of that shit.
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If you want to be a force for good in your world, learn to love without guilt or shame.
It's difficult, but it's not as complicated as all that.
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Am suddenly finding that my concentration abilities, out of nowhere, have magnified fourfold or so.
No will tied up in compulsive shame.
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