So seems I figured out the issue with the @cuttingmachine_ exercises: I just needed to do twice as much in a day.
Conversation
why 'oh god'? 😂 You must have boshed out more than an hour a day to get where you got to?
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Yes, but I pushed when I was stable, not when things were chaotic!
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Replying to
Hey, but things are stable right now.
Stable income, stable(ish) family situation, plenty of free time.
Was much worse recently, though.
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Absent other people, my mind has been almost completely quiet for the last year or so.
Interactions trigger lots of messy thoughts, though.
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I conjecture that I've gotten over most neuroses related to personality and body state, but have some persistent social issues somewhere.
There's a particularly nasty clutch around feelings of obligation - weird avoidant behaviour on one hand, extreme commitment on the other.