Starting to feel like something has been set in motion that cannot be easily reversed.
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For various personal reasons, my meditation practice and other key habits are in shambles, but my emotional equanimity is growing steadily.
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Only a few short months ago, I couldn't deal with or process anger in a productive way. Now it's well-integrated, if not exactly fantastic.
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Now, without any obvious prompting or conditioning, guilt and shame are following suit. A lot of it just goes up in smoke.
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Most of that seems to be down to realizing these things are nowhere near as important as I've been brainwashed to believe all my life.
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The body integrates these lessons, but it takes considerably longer than you'd think. I suspect through processes we don't understand at all
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It's astonishing how much people try to prevent you from doing just that. A lot of us wouldn't even need meditation if not for that, I think
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once you get the first awakening, you continue to the end, whether you reach it or not. Thus "best not started, one started best done."
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It's just interesting - for a while I felt like it was all going backwards in time, but something keeps pulling the other way... hard.
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Honesty is the true catalyst. Practice and habits and the idea of personal development may be the obstacles.
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